Annette Nay, PhD

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With the Wrong Company
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright 2000

Dear Annette,

There are many members that are born into the church, and there are others that were not given the opportunity to be born in the church. These people are converts to the church. My question is about the converts whom may have had the worldly things in life, and being that they know the bitter and the sweet there still can be temptations, because of past memories.

How does one say no and mean it, even though deep within yourself you really don't have the strength to say no, because at the very moment you don't care, because you like what your doing even though it's wrong? What if the only way to say no was to leave that person, how would a person know they can say no the next time if it's been a challenge in the past? Is it better to stay single because of your past? If so that means that one will be without a mate. I don't think anyone wants this so how can one say no and mean it to themselves and to others?


Dear Challenged,

I sound like you are engaging in the same activities and getting in the same situations that got you into trouble before you became a Mormon. Why put yourself in such a situation especially when you know you are weak. Is it because you are keeping friends that like to do these bad things?

You have to ask yourself these questions:

  • Do my friends make good decisions?
  • Do they help me to chose to do what is right?

If friends are not helping you to be the best you can be, then they are not true friends. You can tell good friends by their actions. Look at their actions, because actions speak louder than words. If you have to do bad things or be around bad things to be part of your friends lives, then they are not the people you should be around.

Choose friends that have your beliefs and will help you to do what is right. If you are dating individuals that will not help you live worthy of the Celestial Kingdom, you will not make it back to Heavenly Father. You will need a Celestial Marriage to help you to get back.

God says that it is not good for man to be alone. That is why He created Eve. You do not have to be the Lone Mormon to be a good Mormon. You do however have to choose wisely, those that you date and set good guide lines to keep you safe, when you date.

There are three steps to a Celestial Marriage. The first step is to be the type of person that is ready to be a celestial mate. The second step is to gain a Celestial Marriage is to have guidelines to help you pick only the individuals that would make a good Celestial Mate. Remember, you marry who you date. Be careful in your dating selection. Here are some pointers on who to date.

See: 12 Criteria for Selecting a Potential Eternal Mate to Date -

The third step is to set and keep safe dating practices. Below are dating rules that are tried and true.

See: Rules for Celestial Dating -

Even if you leave situations, activities and friends that get you into trouble, the lure of past temptations will still call to you and you will have to continually fight the urges to engage in these behaviors unless you fast and pray to the Lord to help take these urges away from you. The Lord can deliver you soul from this continual torment, if you ask Him to.

In Alma 5: 7 it states: "Behold He changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the mist of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea the were encircled about by the bands of death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them." This states that these people were heading for certain destruction, but God showed them the error of they ways and help them change their hearts so they did not want to do wrong.

In Alma 5: 14, Alma ask each of us personally, "... have ye been spiritually born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this might change in your hearts? Here Alma is asking if you are acting like Jesus would act. He knew that if you were doing what you were supposed to do that you would radiate the light of Christ in your face and the Holy Ghost would be with you continually to guide your steps, so that you would know what you should do at all times and in all places. You would in fact start to become like Christ because you would have the help to do so. You would also loose the urge to do wrong because in your heart, you truly want to do right continually.

Besides the initial fasting and praying for help to have this change of heart, many people ask for a Priesthood Blessing. After the fast is over they continue to ask for help each day and night and throughout the day as needed. The ask for the Spirit to be with them to help them choose right. They pray for help, set goals, and take steps to over come bad habits.

Here is a step-by-step method of setting goals and obtaining them.

See: How to Set Goal and Obtain Them -

Also there are many other self-help information at my web site. You might want to check it out and see if there is any information there that can be of help to you.


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