Temper Tantrums Gone Too Far
Copyright
© 2004
Dear Annette,
Thank you! I'm a 47, almost 48 year old mother of one child - a usually
wonderful 6 year old girl. I love her so much and don't hesitate to tell
her and to apologize if I'm wrong about something, but ... She's been getting
worse and worse with her temper tantrums. It's to the point where I've
enlisted her school's help (no, she doesn't do this at school or usually even
with other family members, just me!) and have asked to have her take part in
the next anger management class that they give.
She's kicking me, threatening
me, threatening to run away (until I give her a suitcase and offer to drive
her to Grandma's), and just displaying behavior that I find awful. I
never learned how to deal with my temper as a child and as a result turned
them in on myself and attempted suicide many times starting at age 14.
I don't want my precious
daughter to experience this pain, so I've been trying everything that I
know. I do send her to her room until she calms down and will walk away
(I've gotten clothes torn by her for walking away).
Thanks for some indication that
I'm on the right track. Any other suggestions you might have would be
wonderful. I feel so ashamed that I can't think of ways to help her
better.
Help Wanted
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Dear Help,
The best advice I can give the
both of you is to get some counseling on a regular basis. You need
to learn how to deal with your past and the problems with your daughter’s
behavior. She has learned that she can bully you and get what she wants,
but her behavior is out of control. I
know it scares you. It scares her
too, but she doesn’t know how to control it.
You need to help her to do so. The
sooner she gets help the better.
Your feelings of shame, at not
being able to control your daughter, are internalizing your anger, again.
Stop that! There is such a
thing as righteous indignation. Any one should have anger when a child
tears clothes, threatens, or kicks. A
good counselor can help you work out a plan of action you should take when
these behaviors occur.
I cannot stress enough that
whatever course you take with your daughter; you must be consistent with
that action. You falter even
once, and you have sent up a situation where she believes that if she is
emotionally & verbally abusive (threatening and threats of running away)
and/or physically abusive (kicking & tearing clothing) long enough or
escalates these behaviors into worse ones, she will get what she wants.
If this happens you both are in trouble.
Her behaviors will escalate into worse behaviors and you will be the
brunt of it all. See where her
behaviors are on the abuse scale below and what they can become.
See:
Click hereàEmotional
and Psychological Abuse Continuum
In case cost for counseling
seems prohibitive, call around in your area for counselors that do family
counseling on a sliding scale fee. Don't put this off. You both
need help now.
Meanwhile read and implement the following, consistently. If you don’t think you can do so without counseling, don’t start, instead get counseling immediately.
Click hereàSix
Year Old Temper Tantrums
Click hereàHelping
Our Children Overcome Bad Behaviors
This very minute, ask God to help your daughter and yourself. Read the above articles carefully and ask God to help you implement them successfully. Ask Him to be by your side and make you strong and consistent, for your daughter and you.
You can only get help from the counselor while you are in session; God can be with you every step of the way. You don’t have to be alone, when you face your child.
Why should God help you? It is because He wants both of you to be the strongest happiest people you can be. He knows what you are going through and wants to help, but do to the Law of Free Agency; He cannot intervene unless you ask Him too. So take God into your corner as you fight to make your daughter and you into mentally healthy individuals. He will make a difference! He can inspire you as to what you should do. He will help you do it.
Best wishes for you both,
Annette Nay, MS