My Baby's Father Wants to Take Her

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright © 2003

Dear Annette,

Can the father of my baby take her away from me. The baby has his last name. He threatens me all the time saying he is going to take her. He even told a friend he would kill me.

She is only three months old and he yells at her when she cries and puts me down in front of her. I don't understand such behavior its not like my baby can talk her only way to communicate is through crying.

I am just tired of the whole mess. I would have loved for him to be in her life, but I am scared for our protection. I have no idea what to do.

He thinks he can just take her away from me or at least try and I wanted to know what my rights are, so I can stop this nonsense. We are both 20 and I have had a stable job for almost three years, and he has been in and out of work the whole time we were together. He never keeps a job. Well your advice would be greatly appreciated.

The Mother


Dear Mother,

It is important that you get sole custody of your child.  You can do this through the child and family courts.  You have to show that you are the stable force in your child’s life and the father is not.  (See bold black print below.)

Before going to court I would take out a restraining order on this guy.  You can get help for free through your local Women’s Shelter. 

Click here---> Organizational Resources for the Abused

Yes you are being abused and so is your child!

Tell them and the court that you fear for your life and the life of your child.  Tell them just what you told me…


“He threatens me all the time saying he is going to take her. He even told a friend he would kill me.” “He is also into drugs and parties almost every night.” “She is only three months old and he yells at her when she cries.”


If for some reason, these people cannot help you, because you are not a resident there, you can file for one down at the court yourself.  Just ask for help and they will walk you through it.  Either way, get it done, NOW!!! 

I realize that a piece of paper will not save you if he comes after you, but in court it justifies the judge to give you sole custody.

In court you can also end his visitation rights.  I don’t think you want this guy in either of your lives, as you need to protect both of you! 

Take all abusive-men’s threats as real, especially those coming from a drug addicted person as they regularly suspend reason, that would give them thought to not kill someone to get what they want.  With nothing to stop him from acting on his whims, you both could be dead.

After you get custody, you need to find another place to live preferably in a whole other state where this guy would never look for you.  Friends and family are to be told to never tell anyone else where you are even if they say they are a friend.  After all you will tell all important people what's going on with you.  If they are in doubt, have them call you first.  These guys can be ingenious with the reasons they or their friends have to get get a hold of you.  (i.e.  You just won the lottery, the court needs information on you, etc)  If these things occur tell your friends/family to get the name of the person the business/office the represent, then call them with the number you get from the phone book.  Be very skeptic of every non-friend/family call!

You may think that this is extreme, but women in the same boat you are, are being killed every six minutes in the United States. 

You are at high risk of being killed and so is your baby, at anytime!!!

Click on the article below to see what I mean!

Emotional and Psychological Abuse Continuum 

Are You Abused or Risk for Abuse? 

Here is some info that has helped others escape their stockers and/or abusers…

Living with an Abuser

Personal Bill of Rights

Breaking Free from an Abusive Relationship

Safety Checklist

Please take me seriously and take the steps I stated.  If he is a legal parent, you cannot take your child across state lines or he can sue you for sole custody, which would be disastrous!

If I can be of more help, just right!


Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Annette Nay Homepage

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