Copyright © 2004
Dear Annette,
My boyfriend has asked me to marry him three months ago, but he has not given me a ring, but says he will. He has the money, but he always says that he is too tired to go ring shopping. I could go myself, but he is adamant that we go together.
I have not pressured him into asking me to marry him. We have dated for about five months and want to be together. There has been no pre-marital sex involved because we both believe that should be saved for marriage. We cannot go a day without dieing to see each other, so I know he truly loves me.
I have always dreamt about the day I get my ring and I really want one, but I think I could be okay with waiting, except all my friends and relatives keep pressuring me about when I will get my ring. It is driving me crazy. What should I do?
-Ring-less
Dear Ring-less,
This reply is a letter to your fiancé. Just give it to him or give me his e-mail address and I will send it to him.
Best wishes,
Annette Nay, MS
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I am writing you this letter; to right a wrong you have done to your betrothed.
In our society, we give rings as a symbol that we have given ourselves to each other.
Every female in our society, dreams of the day that she will be able to show her engagement ring to her friends and family, to prove that a man of her dreams has thought enough of her to make her his own. Without the ring the offer is not proven. The ring is of substantial value, proving that she is of worth in your eyes, which gives her worth in the eyes of society.
To say, “I’m engaged,” without a ring of some sort, says the female was not worthy enough to deserve one. From what your fiancé has told me about your behavior towards her, this is not so.
Your fiancé has resigned herself to the fact that you do not care enough about her to give her a ring. She has not said this aloud, but her behavior and body language does. She tells herself and you that it does not matter, but deep down inside, she resents you for not giving her a visible sign of your proposal of marriage. She wants to celebrate this once in a lifetime event with her family, friends, and society, but the moment is marred with your seemingly cavalier and uncaring value you give to this momentous occasion and her feelings. You do not want to start your marriage with one strike against you in her heart.
Little insults and hurts tend to fester in the heart, sometimes unbeknown to the holder, until one day they erupt together to give proof of your dying love for her. This becomes the beginning of the end of the marriage. One day the woman awakes to find herself in a loveless marriage, living with an unwanted roommate instead of a husband who cherishes her. Divorce inevitably results.
If you truly love her, you would not willingly cause contention between the two of you or do any thing that would cause a rift in her heart, your relationship, and marriage. The scriptures say contention (of any kind) is of the devil. One of Satan’s greatest holds over you is the joy you gain in needling others, or in other words, causing contention. You must stop this now or Satin will destroy you and all you hold dear. Surely he will do so, as this is what gives him joy and purpose in his life.
Do not help Satin to destroy your relationship with your fiancé. He is working overtime to stop you from gaining and keeping two very important eternal keys. This key binds both of you and your family to each other for all eternity. The second is the keys to your Godship with her to populate worlds of your own. Do not give him leverage, ever, to destroy your relationship. Do what you must to safeguard against this, whether it is spending too much time alone together, the use of contention, or in any way disgracing her in front of her friends and society.
When a couple looks to find ways to honor each other, make each other happy, or help each other. Their relationship/marriage is on solid ground. When this does not happen, their relationship is doomed. It’s only a matter of time. Honor her as she deserves and give her a ring. It is a symbol of your love for her!
The tradition of giving rings as a sign of commitment to each other has endured for generations. I doubt it will pass away before the earth does. If you don’t like the traditions of our society, then join one that matches your ideas. I have heard that the Amish do not give rings, instead the man grows a beard and the woman never cuts her hair to show that they are married. If this is not to your liking, then do what you should to show your love and commitment to your bride-to-be and erase the hurt you have done her.
With best wishes for your new lives together,
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