Copyright © 1999
Dear Annette,
Last month my mother came and visited me. She is very active LDS {asst. temple matron, Relief Society pres., and currently a Family History Center Director}.
One of my married daughters [Y} with 5 children lives across the street from me. Mother arrived on Tuesday and left Saturday morning; my other daughter [Z], who doesn't get along with Y drove mom since they live in the same state.
Mom made no effort to go and see Y but she walked across the street to the Family History Center!
Y came over Tuesday night about 9 P M after the kids were in bed; so was mother.
On Thursday Y came over while I was gone and mother didn't answer the door.
Y called from cell phone to see if mom was with me! So later in the day I had to take mother to see her ex in-laws.
Before we left I drove over to Y's to take her something. I turned off the motor and went in; some mutual friends were there for a short time and I wanted to see their new baby. Mom sat in the car for at least 15 min!! We were not late getting to my aunt and uncle's so she could have come in for a while.
Mom lives about 300 miles away and is 75 years old. She only come here about once a year. My daughter has to split weekends with her ex so mother doesn't always get to see the children when she is here.
I was very upset and spent about a week composing a letter and a week trying to decide to mail it or not! I chose not to mail it because her actions didn't surprises me just added to the disappointment in her.
I have only spoken with her once since and she called me!
I must go to Z's house in two weeks and I usually stop and stay with her because her house is half way. It breaks up the trip for me.
Any suggestions?
Dear Sister,
Tell Z she needs to get things straightened out with Y, now! The longer she leaves things to fester the worse it will be to patch things up!
Tell her:
Families are eternal. You are not going to be allowed into Heavenly Father's home acting like that. God won't allow it. His home is heaven not war zone. Get the petty squabbles worked out so we can all be an eternal family like we should be.
Tell your mother the same thing. She should be facilitating family harmony not adding fuel to the fire. She know better and she will be held accountable for this.
Next year, facilitate family togetherness by having a family dinner without telling Z or your mother that Y and family is coming. It looks like you will have to be the facilitator in getting this family back together. Ask for the Lord's help in doing this. He will aid you in doing so!
One of the Spring General Conference 1999 talks focused on the importance of working for good family relations amongst our eternal families-to-be. It is very important. Our eternal progress depends upon it!
Here is a letter I received on a similar matter...
Dealing with the Spirit of Contention
Dear Annette,
Have you ever had someone call and tell you that they have taken offense at something one of your other friends have done or said, and you yourself know that no offense was meant? My friend called another friend of mine, and left a message on her recorder, just as she was leaving town for 10 days, that she was changing the date for visiting teaching this month.
My friend was furious but does not want me to say anything to her partner about it. I realize my counselor should have asked if this was OK, but she couldn't reach her partner before she left town and I wasn't aware that it would cause a problem. I was aware that she wanted to change the visiting teaching day but that is only because I had talked to her just before she left town.
Any words of wisdom for me? I had a good talk with my upset friend last night. I feel that she is okay. How do I talk to her partner without letting her know about how her companion feelings and make sure that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
Thanks,
Wondering
Eradicating the Problem
Next time get the two sisters together, face-to-face. The scriptures state...
When you are in the way with one another to go to the one that you are having problems with and take care of it immediately before things get out of hand and the relationship is irreparable.
Often people get upset over the slightest of things because they are allowing the spirit of contention from Satan to lead her around by the nose ring! We all need to be reminded often that this spirit is ever present trying to ruin relationships and the work of the Lord. We cannot allow it in our homes or in our relationships.
"Beware the Spirit of Contention"
In D&C 10:23-24 &26-27 it tells us ...
23- "And thus he (Satan) has laid a cunning plan, thinking to destroy the work of God; but I will require this at their hands, and it shall turn to their shame and condemnation in the day of judgment.
24- Yea, he stirreth up their hearts to anger against this work.
26- And thus he flattereth them, and leadeth them along until he draggeth their souls down to hell; and thus he causeth them to catch themselves in their own snare.
27- And thus he goeth up and down, to and fro in the earth, seeking to destroy the souls of men."
3 Nephi 11:29 states that...
29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
The only way to get over the spirit of contention is to recognize it for what it is and do what the Lord tells us to do in Ephesians 4:31-32 and D&C 82:1.
It says...
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
D&C 82:1 "Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you."
If we choose not to do so, then we are in grave danger according to D&C 64:9. It says..." Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin."
Your friend is still harboring ill feelings and should talk to her companion to get things aired out! This incident will impair their ability to work with each other if it is not take care of. A face-to-face is still needed. Go to the Lord and He will tell you how to work it out, so it will turn out right! Perhaps just discussing the items above with your friend may help her to go her companion and discuss the problem.
There will always be misunderstandings, but we must have the courage to take them to the person we are having problems with so that they do not continue and ultimately destroy our inner peace and our relationship with others. We cannot please everyone all the time, but coming to an understanding does help make things go a lot smoother.
If I have not covered the subject adequately or you have more questions please write me again.
Best wishes,
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