Be Ye Therefore Perfect Even as Your Father in Heaven is Perfect
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2000

Theme: Perfection/Self Control, Goal Setting, Repentance

Reaching Perfection

Very few if any of us will be totally perfected the day we die and leave this mortal existence. Christ knew this so when He said, "Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father in Heaven is perfect." He didn't mean that we had to be absolutely perfect to get back to Heavenly Father. He did expect that we should be actively engaged in the work of perfecting ourselves. That means that we should always be trying to make ourselves better. He also promised that He would help us get back home if we would try and do our part.

If we do not know where to begin, we can ask the Lord to show us where to start. When asked He will show us our faults, help us plan out how to over come each problem in our life, and help us to work our plan! If we will do this the Christ, through His atonement, will make up the difference so that we can make it back to our Heavenly Father.

Perfecting Ourselves with the Lord's Help

We should go to the Lord each morning to ask for help on our goals for the day. Then, we should ask the Lord to be with us throughout our day. We should pray and ask for help as problems arise during our day.

Then at night we should go over the days events and critique how well we did. At this point we can figure out better ways to handle parts that went badly and set goals for the next day. This is also a good time to go over the events for the next day and plan ways to handle potential problems before they occur.

One cannot start to keep all the commandments at once. The Lord expects us to set goals and devise a series of smaller goals to be able to accomplish the larger one. Then, He expects us to follow through accomplish those goals. In a step by step manner we can become perfected.

The Lord does not expect us to become perfected all by ourselves. He has given us the Holy Ghost, direct revelation, Home Teachers, Visiting Teachers, Church leaders, and a ward full of caring individuals to help us. He has also promise to help us Himself if we but ask Him to.

How To Set Goals And Obtain Them

• Don't plunge into goal-setting without discovering what you're getting into. Do your homework for the best chance at success. Go through this worksheet for each problem you want to overcome.
• Choose problems to work on that will make a difference in the quality of your life.
• Don't waste your time on things which don't matter.
• Your choice of goals should be a matter of prayer.
• Define the problem.
• Often we can only see the problem from our own point of view. To make sure we truly understand the problem from all angles ask others what they think the problem is.
• Now you know what the problem is.
• How would things be if they were the way you wanted them to be? Write these down. These become your primary goals.
• How would you know things were the way you wanted them to be? Write these down in detail. The details become supporting secondary goals to reach your main goal.
• There are many solutions to a problem. Develop a list of different ways to solve the problem.
• Consider your values, preferences, and resources, then decide how best to reach your goals. Search for solutions to your secondary goals which you can live with.
• These become supporting goals which will help you reach your secondary and primary goals.
• Break down the supporting goals into doable small steps.
• Write them down in the order they need to be accomplished. Give the starting date and a projected finish date for each step.
• Commit yourself to start and finish each step.
• List things that you can do to reward yourself when you finish each step. Consider your resources when deciding what you can afford to reward yourself. Example: Take a bubble bath, visit a friend, or go out to lunch.
• Vary the types of rewards you give yourself. If renting a video is your reward every time, you may become a couch potato.
• Write down the requirements for getting the reward.
• Give yourself small rewards for accomplishing small steps and larger rewards for larger steps. Rewards are not bribery but a pat on the back for setting and reaching your goals.
• Decide what consequences will take place if you haven't finished your goal by a certain time or if you slip up and do the unwanted behavior. Write this down in detail. Example: If I do not finish my scripture reading before dinnertime, then I give up dessert for the day.
• Before you begin a goal you should write down the primary, secondary, and supporting goals along with the start and finish dates, rewards, and consequences.
• Then ask God to help you obtain you goals.
• Each morning ask God for His help to do better that day.
• Evaluate your progress with God nightly.
• Ask your loved ones, friends, and Visiting Teachers to help monitor and support your progress.
• Picture yourself feeling and acting as if you have already reached your goal. The more vivid the picture the better chance you have or reaching your goal.
• Try never to set goals which involve the participation of others. These goals are seldom accomplished since you are the one that is motivated.
• Don't quit because things aren't working out. Some goals may need some changes to make them work better. Review the effectiveness of each step and make changes where needed.
• Don’t make goals which are so strict they don't leave room for effective living and goal attainment too. Bad Example: I will read one chapter in my scriptures daily for a week. This should read: I will read one chapter in my scriptures daily or 7 chapters for the week. This example allows for sickness or other reasons that would otherwise cause you to fail because of the strictness of the first example.
• Changes made in your life affect you and all you come in contact with. Some of those people may try to get you to remain the same, because change is comfortable or threatening to them. Your change could make them look inward, seeing things which need changing causes feelings of inadequacy and discomfort. Being forewarned is being forearmed. This warning will aid your ability to change in spite of others wanting things to stay the same.
• When you change for the good you will affect others more positively and, hopefully, help them want to change too. Remember, you cannot change others; they must do this for themselves. You can only be the catalyst.

Below is an example of a goal all ready planned out and ready to start.

Primary Goal: Get years supply of food.

Secondary Goal: Spend $10.00 per month on food the family likes.

1. Supporting Step: Purchase plastic storage containers to store food in.
2. Supporting Step: Buy basic foods like wheat, powdered milk, salt, & sugar.
3. Supporting Step: Mark items with the date purchased.
4. Supporting Step: Use old food stored first. Start date: September 1, 1997

Finish date: Continuous until 1 years of food is amassed.

Reward: Pat self on the back and self sufficiency.

Consequence: Not prepared for the last days/starvation. 

Goal setting can be used to gain new habits and better ourselves in each area of our lives. It can also be used to repent from our bad behaviors.

Reaching Perfection Includes Repentance

There are six basic steps which must take place before the Lord will grant us a remission of our sins. They are: Recognition, Remorse, Renunciation, Resolution, Restitution, and Reconciliation.

Recognition

We must recognize that something is wrong in our lives. This may manifest itself as feelings of sadness, stress, uneasiness, or guilt. Many adverse or unhappy feelings are a result of our own negative behaviors. We may not realize it, but we hurt ourselves when we do not take responsibility for our actions. Often we blame them on others or ignore them.

Many of our problems are a result of our ever mounting bad behaviors. One bad behavior opens the door to our taking the steps to other bad behaviors. Each step tends to be worse that the last. As a result, of our procrastination to repent of the singular behavior, our bad behaviors multiply and causes us much grief. We must recognize our negative behaviors and take the proper steps of repentance to be rid of them as soon as possible.

Remorse

When we stop rationalizing our negative behaviors and humble ourselves before the Lord, we are ready to take the second step in Repentance, which is, remorse.

Remorse must be genuine or godly sorrow. In 2 Corinthians 7: 9-10 Paul said to the people,

 "Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, ... for godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation ... but the sorrow of the world worketh death."

From this scripture you can see that there is two types of sorrow: godly and worldly. Godly sorrow is the abhorrence of sin, because it is wrong and sinful. When one has this type of sorrow it implies that there will be action to turn one's life around with God's help. It is born of the Spirit and is a gift of God that comes to those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. It includes an honest, a contrite spirit, a frank recognition of the sins committed, and a firm determination to sin no more.

Worldly sorrow is not the a sorrow for the sin but that of being caught. When one has this type of sorrow s/he feels self-pity and helplessness.

How can We Help Others to Take the Step of Remorse?

• We cannot make others do anything. This step has to be taken willingly by the sinner.
• It is not anyone's job to make another feel guilty.
• Do not give unsought, self-righteous counsel and condemnation as this causes bitterness and We do not want to alienate or belittle the sinner.

We Can, However:

• Encourage the sinner to pray to God and if needed, go to the proper Church Leaders so the repentance process can begin in his life.
• Ours should be an attitude of helping the person, rather than punishing him/her.
• We can inform the person of the consequences of the sinful act.
• We can remind him/her of the blessings and peace that can come from positive change in his/her life.
• If the sinner has already recognized his/her error and experiencing remorse, then we should:
• Help him/her to understand the steps of repentance
• Strengthen him/her
• Encourage him/her to action
• Hold out our hope of him/her to continue through all the steps of repentance.

Renunciation

The next step in repentance is Renunciation. This is the action of renouncing and confessing the sin. Renouncing and confessing the sin is the major turning point in the steps of repentance! It is the turning away from the sin by forsaking it and admitting the error to those who are affected by the act. It is only through confession that private feelings of remorse are transformed into tangible commitment to change.

Confession should include:

• Admission of the mistake that was made and having remorse because of it.
• Making a total separation from that negative behavior
• Taking steps for righteous living.

Confession takes many forms depending on the seriousness of the sin. In most cases the confession need only be to God and the people we have wronged.

In the case of major sins such as felony charges, addictions such as drugs and pornography, sexual sins there is a need to talk to the Bishop to begin the repentance process.

The Bishop represents the Lord and is there to help the sinner to:

• Recognize the seriousness of the behavior.
• Understand how it has affected his membership in the church.
• Apply the appropriate steps of repentance to each type of transgression.

The Bishop has four basic courses of action that he can follow:

1. He may feel that the member has genuinely repented and should be informed, as well as comforted and strengthened in the resolve to continue to choose the right!
2. He may feel that the repentance process is underway, but not yet complete. He then places the member on probation with certain restrictions and expectations.
3. The sin maybe serious enough to require the member to be disfellowshipped, with certain prescribed restrictions, such as no Church callings, public prayers and talks.
4. The sin may be so serious that the person is beyond the behavior even closely resembling that of a true Christian and the person is excommunicated from the Church" (Ludlow, 1992).

The last two types of Church discipline are so serious that they require a Church Court. The actions taken by the court requires the sustaining vote of the Bishop, his two counselors, as well as the high council.

Often the action of the Court helps the individual understand how far their behavior has caused them to stray from the Lord and acts as a catalyst and motivator for the person to take the steps to get right with the Lord and enter into full fellowship with the Church.

Excommunicated members generally need to wait at least a year, during which they must demonstrate righteous living. They then can reapply for Church membership and the restoration of former priesthood and temple blessings." (Ludlow, 1992).

To insure a fair hearing, there is an appeals process available for those individuals who do not agree with any Church action.

• A Bishop's actions can be appealed to the Stake President.
• The Stake President's actions may be appealed to Church Headquarters.

The act of making a clean break from sin and working to make right choices takes place more often and more effectively when the sinner has the help of loved ones, family, and church members. It is important that we are a help instead of a hindrance to the recovering sinner. We need to be there for him/her and encourage him/her to good works, instead of turning our backs on him/her. It is also important that we keep ourselves safe by daily evaluating our thinking and actions to see that we do not adopt the sinner's negative thinking or behaviors.

Resolution

In this stage the person turns away from that which is wrong and turning to God. This is how it is done.... Once the person has stopped the sin, s/he must resolve or make a commitment to never do that sin again, then s/he must try to choose the right.

Without the step of resolution, the steps of Recognition, Remorse, and Renunciation are of little worth and leave the person empty and bitter. Instead of looking back and regretting the problems we have caused, we need to look forward to the blessings our Heavenly Father can now give us.

We cannot change the past, but we can change our future by taking care of the steps we take today! We must pray and ask for the strength to keep the sin from us, help us make good choices, and act appropriately. We must work hard to do what is right!

Restitution

Whenever possible, the repenting person must try to make up for what s/he has done wrong. There are some things that can never be changed, but the person should do his/her best to do so and then leave the past in the past and get on with his/her future. The act of restitution helps him/her to right his/her wrongs and clear himself/herself of guilt.

Often, the courts of the land forget to apply this step to the sinner, but it still must be done for the Lord to forgive the sinner and for the sinner to be able to forgive himself/herself! The act of restitution may be something as small as an apology. It may take a period of time to restore property. In the case of a lost life. This cannot ever be repaid.

Reconciliation

Now that the sinner has forsaken the bad behavior, s/he is ready to ask the Lord the those that s/he has hurt to forgive him/her. Reconciliation is the final step in repentance. Asking for forgiveness helps the sinner to cleanse his/her soul and bring a feeling of peace and harmony between the sinner and his/her family, friends, and God.

Gaining reconciliation with God is the most important of all. When we have not repented we are kept from the Lord's Spirit which would help us to make good decisions. When we do we are blessed with his Spirit to help us to understand that which is bad and to help keep away unwanted urges to indulge in past bad behaviors.

Remission of Sins

When we have taken the proper steps of repentance, the Lord promises us that He will remember our sin no more. When it comes time to account for our sins the ones we have repented from will be washed as white as snow, as if they never occurred.

It is through the Lord Jesus Christ that the sins that we have repented of can be forgiven. Since Christ was a sinless, He was able to take the punishment for our sins and therefore allow us to be forgiven of those sins that we truly repent of.

When we are forgiven, we do not forget what has occurred, but the forgiveness keeps us from being continually bothered or tortured mentally and spiritually by them. We can use our past sins to help judge what is good and bad. We can remember what steps we took which lead us into trouble and never do them again. We know where those steps will lead and can warn others who are starting down that path.

Self Control

Whether it is repenting from our bad behaviors or adopting new helpful behaviors it takes self control. In fact the major lesson we are to get out of this life is self control. Examine any of the Lord's commandments and you will see that all of them are about total self control. We model self control for our children. When we give up our vices, addictions, gluttony, and our imperfections we are gaining self control. Being like God then is to gain control over oneself.

As we gain self control we come to know and love our Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. It is as we become more like Them that They are able to show us more fully that They love us and want us to come home. As we put forth the effort to be self controlled we are further helped to do so, because Christ prepares a way for us to succeed. It is through Christ that we become perfected a step at a time, even as our Father in Heaven is perfected.

Reference

Ludlow, Victor L. (1992) Principles and Practices of the Restored Gospel. Salt Lake City, Utah: Deseret Books.