Copyright © 2004
My sister was married in the
temple 3 months ago. Her husband had been inactive and had a problem
with drugs for several years before they met. When they got serious she
told him her goals of getting married in the temple. He agreed, as he
knew getting married in the temple was the right thing to do. For almost
a year they attended church regularly. It seemed he had changed his
life. However, she recently found out that he has been doing drugs again
and has been hiding it from her. When confronted, he lied about it but
finally admitted it when she showed him proof. He justifies
his actions by saying it is no big deal and he is only does it occasionally.
He also doesn't want to attend church and thinks a lot of the commandments are
too strict. When my sister tells him she doesn't want him doing those
things he tells her that it is his decision and she needs to love him no
matter what.
I don't believe in divorce but it has only been three months and I don't want
to see my sister have to deal with this the rest of her life. She thinks she
has to as she was married for time and eternity. What advise can I give
her?
Thank you in advance,
Rachel
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Dear
Rachel,
If he is not keeping the
commandments and the promises he made in the temple when he took out his
covenants, there is no eternal union. He
has let down his part of the bargain and will not obtain the Celestial
Kingdom, which is the only place where a marriage will be allowed to continue.
So, what is the use of keeping a partner that is not a partner???
There are three types of drug-addicted
individuals. Each stage has its own definite characteristic behavior and
thinking. These stages are the emotionally, psychologically, and
psychologically addicted individuals.
It starts because people love food.
They love its smell, taste, and the crunching sound it makes.
They equate good times and good feelings with food.
It is precisely these reasons that people over-eat or eat food because
it is there, not because they are hungry.
This sets the stage for addiction to begin.
1. The
emotionally addicted person's cycle starts when s/he pairs the
incidence of having a good time with drug usage.
Drugs then become a tool. When
the drug user becomes unhappy, stressed, or feels loss of control s/he begins
to choose drugs as a way to deal with these problems. After using drugs, the
person gains the wanted mood change, feels in control again, and in many cases
feels like a super being able to conquer all problems.
Most feel they can do anything faster and better while under the
influence of drugs. Obviously, this euphoria sets up another opportunity to
use drugs when things are going right or they just want to feel good.
2. The
psychologically addicted person has developed when this cycle is
engaged in consistently and this pattern of response becomes the norm. This
allows the "addictive self" to have control over the "normal
self."
3. The
physiologically addicted individual is formed when the cyclical
behavior of the drug usage causes the body to gain a tolerance to the
drug-induced chemical-high. This causes the addicted person to increase the
abuse of drugs to get the same high. Going without the drugs causes the
physiologically addicted person to go into physical withdrawal (physical pain)
and depression (emotional & psychological withdrawal).
The psychologically addicted person needs larger
amounts of drugs stop the depression and physical withdrawal and/or to cope
with life. This causes the drug usage to become out of control. The addict
uses more frequently and in a dangerous manner. S/He engages is such behaviors
theft, lying, and sometime violence and murder to obtain these drugs. These
actions may frighten the addicted person into stopping the addictive behavior
until s/he rationalizes himself or herself into resuming the behavior.
After the "addictive self" has taken
over, it substitutes "addictive logic" to explain away the illogical
actions the individual is engaging in. These excuses are denial of the
abnormal changes in the person's life. When the "logical self" tries
to point out flaws in the "addictive logic," the "addictive
self" points out the pleasurable aspects of the addiction. This
delusional way of thinking becomes a part of the individual.
The more a drug addict uses drugs for control
over life's problems, the more isolated from others s/he becomes. This is
because questions about the individual's "addictive logic" are
perceived as an attack on the individual himself or herself. This causes
problems between the addicted person and others. The addicted person pulls
further away, further isolating him or her.
Drug usage continues on until the drug addict
lands in the hospital with a drug overdose or because of withdrawal symptoms,
or until he is killed in the commission of a crime, in a drug buy gone bad, or
a drug overdose or poisoning.
So as you can see, the drug user is not in control of
his usage. Seeing that your
brother-in-law has gone back to using shows that he was still emotionally and
perhaps psychologically addicted even while going through the temple.
All Satan had to do is to set up a situation that would send him back
to using, because drugs is his choice of coping tools.
It didn’t take much.
Here is what your sister has to look forward to:
Click here: Options For Families of Drug Abusers
I highly suggest that she gives him an ultimatum and
separate herself from him until he decides to come around.
Ultimatum: If he has not
proven to act like a Celestial husband, including church attendance, trying to
keep the commandments and temple covenants, and no drug usage, in a set
time, then she should get a divorce.
She should separate their monies from each other too, as a druggie will
use it all up.
I don’t believe people should get a divorce on a
whim, but only when there are circumstances that will not allow a Celestial
Marriage to work. If he makes his
choice to stay with drugs and nothing to do with the Church and its precepts,
then he has made the choice to quite the Temple Marriage!
You cannot beat a dead horse into life and a drug addict is a dead
horse.
Tell your sister to move on to greener pastures.
When the time comes she can gain a Temple Divorcement and truly get an
eternal partner for an eternal marriage in the temple.
Best wishes,
Annette Nay, MS