There is No Such Thing as a Little Drug Usage
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2004
My sister was married in the temple 3 months ago. Her husband had
been inactive and had a problem with drugs for several years before they
met. When they got serious she told him her goals of getting married in
the temple. He agreed, as he knew getting married in the temple was the
right thing to do. For almost a year they attended church regularly. It
seemed he had changed his life. However, she recently found out that he
has been doing drugs again and has been hiding it from her. When
confronted, he lied about it but finally admitted it when she showed him
proof. He justifies his actions by saying it is no big deal and he is
only does it occasionally. He also doesn't want to attend church and
thinks a lot of the commandments are too strict. When my sister tells
him she doesn't want him doing those things he tells her that it is his
decision and she needs to love him no matter what.
I don't believe in divorce but it has only been three months and I
don't want to see my sister have to deal with this the rest of her life.
She thinks she has to as she was married for time and eternity. What
advise can I give her?
Thank you in advance,
If your brother-in-law is not keeping the commandments and the promises he made in the
temple when he took out his covenants, there is no eternal union. He has
let down his part of the bargain and will not obtain the Celestial
Kingdom, which is the only place where a marriage will be allowed to
continue. So, what is the use of keeping a partner that is not a
There is no such thing as a little drug usage!
Stages of Addiction
There are three types of drug-addicted individuals. Each stage has
its own definite characteristic behavior and thinking. These stages are
the emotionally, psychologically, and psychologically addicted
It starts because people love food. They love its smell, taste, and
the crunching sound it makes. They equate good times and good feelings
with food. It is precisely these reasons that people over-eat or eat
food because it is there, not because they are hungry. This sets the
stage for addiction to begin.
- The emotionally addicted person's cycle starts when s/he pairs
the incidence of having a good time with drug usage. Drugs then
become a tool. When the drug user becomes unhappy, stressed, or
feels loss of control s/he begins to choose drugs as a way to deal
with these problems. After using drugs, the person gains the wanted
mood change, feels in control again, and in many cases feels like a
super being able to conquer all problems. Most feel they can do
anything faster and better while under the influence of drugs.
Obviously, this euphoria sets up another opportunity to use drugs
when things are going right or they just want to feel good.
- The psychologically addicted person has developed when this
cycle is engaged in consistently and this pattern of response
becomes the norm. This allows the "addictive self" to have control
over the "normal self."
- The physiologically addicted individual is formed when the
cyclical behavior of the drug usage causes the body to gain a
tolerance to the drug-induced chemical-high. This causes the
addicted person to increase the abuse of drugs to get the same high.
Going without the drugs causes the physiologically addicted person
to go into physical withdrawal (physical pain) and depression
(emotional & psychological withdrawal).
The psychologically addicted person needs larger amounts of drugs
stop the depression and physical withdrawal and/or to cope with
life. This causes the drug usage to become out of control. The
addict uses more frequently and in a dangerous manner. S/He engages
is such behaviors theft, lying, and sometime violence and murder to
obtain these drugs. These actions may frighten the addicted person
into stopping the addictive behavior until s/he rationalizes himself
or herself into resuming the behavior.
After the "addictive self" has taken over, it substitutes "addictive
logic" to explain away the illogical actions the individual is engaging
in. These excuses are denial of the abnormal changes in the person's
life. When the "logical self" tries to point out flaws in the "addictive
logic," the "addictive self" points out the pleasurable aspects of the
addiction. This delusional way of thinking becomes a part of the
The more a drug addict uses drugs for control over life's problems,
the more isolated from others s/he becomes. This is because questions
about the individual's "addictive logic" are perceived as an attack on
the individual himself or herself. This causes problems between the
addicted person and others. The addicted person pulls further away,
further isolating him or her.
Drug usage continues on until the drug addict lands in the hospital
with a drug overdose or because of withdrawal symptoms, or until he is
killed in the commission of a crime, in a drug buy gone bad, or a drug
overdose or poisoning.
So as you can see, the drug user is not in control of his usage.
Seeing that your brother-in-law has gone back to using shows that he was
still emotionally and perhaps psychologically addicted even while going
through the temple. All Satan had to do is to set up a situation that
would send him back to using, because drugs is his choice of coping
tools. It didnít take much.
Here is what your sister has to look forward to:
See my article,
Ridding Yourself of an Addiction.
If the will not try this or it doesn't work for what ever reason, see
my article, Options For Families of
I highly suggest that your sister give her husband an ultimatum and separate herself
from him until he decides to come around. Ultimatum: If he has not
proven to act like a Celestial husband, including church attendance,
trying to keep the commandments and temple covenants, and no drug usage,
in a set time, then she should get a divorce. She should separate their
monies from each other too, as a druggie will use it all up.
I donít believe people should get a divorce on a whim, but only when
there are circumstances that will not allow a Celestial Marriage to
work. If he makes his choice to stay with drugs and nothing to do with
the Church and its precepts, then he has made the choice to quite the
Temple Marriage! You cannot beat a dead horse into life and a drug
addict is a dead horse.
Tell your sister to move on to greener pastures. When the time comes she
can gain a Temple Divorce and truly get an eternal partner for an
eternal marriage in the temple.