Annette Nay, PhD

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There is No Such Thing as a Little Drug Usage
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2004

My sister was married in the temple 3 months ago. Her husband had been inactive and had a problem with drugs for several years before they met. When they got serious she told him her goals of getting married in the temple. He agreed, as he knew getting married in the temple was the right thing to do. For almost a year they attended church regularly. It seemed he had changed his life. However, she recently found out that he has been doing drugs again and has been hiding it from her. When confronted, he lied about it but finally admitted it when she showed him proof. He justifies his actions by saying it is no big deal and he is only does it occasionally. He also doesn't want to attend church and thinks a lot of the commandments are too strict. When my sister tells him she doesn't want him doing those things he tells her that it is his decision and she needs to love him no matter what.

I don't believe in divorce but it has only been three months and I don't want to see my sister have to deal with this the rest of her life. She thinks she has to as she was married for time and eternity. What advise can I give her?

Thank you in advance,


Dear Rachel,

If your brother-in-law is not keeping the commandments and the promises he made in the temple when he took out his covenants, there is no eternal union. He has let down his part of the bargain and will not obtain the Celestial Kingdom, which is the only place where a marriage will be allowed to continue. So, what is the use of keeping a partner that is not a partner?

There is no such thing as a little drug usage!

Stages of Addiction

There are three types of drug-addicted individuals. Each stage has its own definite characteristic behavior and thinking. These stages are the emotionally, psychologically, and psychologically addicted individuals.

It starts because people love food. They love its smell, taste, and the crunching sound it makes. They equate good times and good feelings with food. It is precisely these reasons that people over-eat or eat food because it is there, not because they are hungry. This sets the stage for addiction to begin.

  1. The emotionally addicted person's cycle starts when s/he pairs the incidence of having a good time with drug usage. Drugs then become a tool. When the drug user becomes unhappy, stressed, or feels loss of control s/he begins to choose drugs as a way to deal with these problems. After using drugs, the person gains the wanted mood change, feels in control again, and in many cases feels like a super being able to conquer all problems. Most feel they can do anything faster and better while under the influence of drugs. Obviously, this euphoria sets up another opportunity to use drugs when things are going right or they just want to feel good.
  2. The psychologically addicted person has developed when this cycle is engaged in consistently and this pattern of response becomes the norm. This allows the "addictive self" to have control over the "normal self."
  3. The physiologically addicted individual is formed when the cyclical behavior of the drug usage causes the body to gain a tolerance to the drug-induced chemical-high. This causes the addicted person to increase the abuse of drugs to get the same high. Going without the drugs causes the physiologically addicted person to go into physical withdrawal (physical pain) and depression (emotional & psychological withdrawal).
    The psychologically addicted person needs larger amounts of drugs stop the depression and physical withdrawal and/or to cope with life. This causes the drug usage to become out of control. The addict uses more frequently and in a dangerous manner. S/He engages is such behaviors theft, lying, and sometime violence and murder to obtain these drugs. These actions may frighten the addicted person into stopping the addictive behavior until s/he rationalizes himself or herself into resuming the behavior.

After the "addictive self" has taken over, it substitutes "addictive logic" to explain away the illogical actions the individual is engaging in. These excuses are denial of the abnormal changes in the person's life. When the "logical self" tries to point out flaws in the "addictive logic," the "addictive self" points out the pleasurable aspects of the addiction. This delusional way of thinking becomes a part of the individual.

The more a drug addict uses drugs for control over life's problems, the more isolated from others s/he becomes. This is because questions about the individual's "addictive logic" are perceived as an attack on the individual himself or herself. This causes problems between the addicted person and others. The addicted person pulls further away, further isolating him or her.

Drug usage continues on until the drug addict lands in the hospital with a drug overdose or because of withdrawal symptoms, or until he is killed in the commission of a crime, in a drug buy gone bad, or a drug overdose or poisoning.

So as you can see, the drug user is not in control of his usage. Seeing that your brother-in-law has gone back to using shows that he was still emotionally and perhaps psychologically addicted even while going through the temple. All Satan had to do is to set up a situation that would send him back to using, because drugs is his choice of coping tools. It didnít take much.

Here is what your sister has to look forward to:

See my article, Ridding Yourself of an Addiction.

If the will not try this or it doesn't work for what ever reason, see my article, Options For Families of Drug Abusers.

I highly suggest that your sister give her husband an ultimatum and separate herself from him until he decides to come around. Ultimatum: If he has not proven to act like a Celestial husband, including church attendance, trying to keep the commandments and temple covenants, and no drug usage, in a set time, then she should get a divorce. She should separate their monies from each other too, as a druggie will use it all up.

I donít believe people should get a divorce on a whim, but only when there are circumstances that will not allow a Celestial Marriage to work. If he makes his choice to stay with drugs and nothing to do with the Church and its precepts, then he has made the choice to quite the Temple Marriage! You cannot beat a dead horse into life and a drug addict is a dead horse.

Tell your sister to move on to greener pastures. When the time comes she can gain a Temple Divorce and truly get an eternal partner for an eternal marriage in the temple.


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