Stages of Mediation

Annette Nay, MS

Copyright © 1999

Setting the Stage

1. Size of room

• The size must be big enough that the participants have room to get up and move around and not feel caged.
• It must be too big where they feel insecure and insignificant.
• Color of room
• Red is not the color to have in a mediation meeting. Red lends itself to flaring tempers.
• Use a place with soothing cool colors like greens and blues.
• Greenery tends to bring out peacefulness in others.
• A spot of pastel cheery color from flowers brings a gladness to the proceedings. A mild fragrance is also soothing. A pungent fragrance is irritating.
• Temperature

1. Temperatures from slightly higher that a comfortable warm to hot add to short tempers.
2. Colder temperatures makes it hard to think of anything but being cold.
3. Try to keep the temperatures around 75 to 80 degrees.

• Cleanliness of room

1. A dirty, messy, or cluttered room sets the mood for agitation.
2. Make sure the room is as clean as possible.
3. Proper lighting Dim lighting can cause headaches and short tempers.
4. Bright lights are glaring and cause hot tempers and anger.
5. Candlelight is soothing, but not always possible depending on the circumstance and the time of day. Lighting that is neither bright nor dim is perfect.

• Location

1. Must be a neutral place.
2. Insure privacy.
3. No interruptions.
4. Must be safe.
5. Location does not clash with participants social or cultural values.

• Table

1. Circular is best.
2. Triangle shaped next best.
3. If it rectangular, place the participants side by side and the mediator across from them.

• Food

1. Foods with sugar and/or carbohydrates boosts the blood sugar and gives the brain an lift in mood. This works well until the sugar runs out in about a half hour after the last food is eaten.
2. Something like M & M work well for this... a big bowl by each participant will keep them eating the stuff the whole time the meeting lasts, keeping the blood sugar up and the lift in mood secure.

• Mediator 's Attire

1. Dress in calming colors
2. Dress appropriate to the occasion.
3. If possible, dress to match the participants tastes.

1. A. Set up rules that:
   1. Promote good conduct between the participants.
   2. Help the participants collaborate together peaceably.
   3. Help the participants reach a win-win outcome.
   4. Permits safety for all participants to speak their honest thoughts.
2. These points are elaborated on in: The Job of the Mediator and Rules of Mediation

Reaching a Win-Win Outcome

1. Use good listening skills to help hear each side of the problem.

See: Active Listening

2. Use "I" Messages to get across true feelings.

See: Communicating with "I" Messages

3. To facilitate positive relations use reframing:

See: Reframing Issues Positively

4. To get to the bottom of the problem and understand it thoroughly ask questions.

See: Tips for Mediators Asking Questions

5. After understanding the problem break it down into its smallest parts so each part can be worked on to gain a win-win solutions for each. Separate the interest from the problems

See: Defining the Issues

6. Allow structured venting of feelings before anger flares and mediations grinds to a halt.

See: Venting and Hints for De-Escalating Conflict

7. Work on each part of the problem to gain a win-win solutions for each. When difficulty arises in finding a solution brainstorm to come up with novel or new ideas in solving them. Inventing Creative Options

• Brainstorming
• There are many solutions.
• One is not necessarily better than another.
• Write them all down.

See: Brainstorming Inventive Options for a Win-Win Outcome

8. Evaluating Options

• Check out each option's merits (pros and cons).
• Have the participants switch points of view and argue each other's point.

1. See: How to Make Good Decisions

9. Mediation may have to be stopped here to gather information. If so:

1. Write down who will do what before the next meeting.
2. Get an agreement on the next meeting. Make this ASAP.
3. Give each opponent a copy of what they have agreed to do before the next meeting. Do this ASAP.
4. Set the date and time for the next mediation meeting ASAP.

1. Both have to agree to this decision.
2. If one participant cannot agreed upon any of the solutions then each participant is assigned to come up with three viable options before the next mediation session.
3. Set the date and time for the next mediation session for ASAP.

11.  Formalizing the Agreement

12. Implementation and Follow Up

1. It is up to the mediator to see that the agreement is put into play.
2. The mediator monitors both participants behaviors to see that there is no fowl play and that agreements are kept.

What Participants Won't Participate Appropriately?

See: Techniques for Breaking an Impasse and What to Do if They Won't Negotiate