Shattering the Myths of Marriage
Janice C. Burnham, MA, LPC
Myth: I can make my spouse happy and s/he can make me happy.
Correction: I am responsible for my own happiness.
Myth: Marriage will fix/solve everything in my life and relationship.
Correction: Marriage does not solve problems.
Myth: I can change my partner.
Correction: I can change no one but myself.
Myth: My partner should do and think the same way I do about everything.
Correction: No two people are identical; It is a positive thing to think and express my own thoughts and feelings.
Myth: My relationship is really not that bad; it is actually very good sometimes.
Correction: Problems in a relationship need to be corrected, not tolerated.
Myth: I married a highly religious man/woman of my own faith so I should have no problems.
Correction: Marrying a person with high values is a worthy goal; but every marriage has adjustment and personal issues/problems. It is the responsibility of each couple to work on their individual and couple issues/problems and eliminate them.
Myth: I have lived a righteous life and should have a successful and perfect marriage.
Correction: Righteousness is of great value but does not make a marriage, by itself.
Myth: I saw what I wanted to see; s/he was not what I thought s/he was.
Correction: Ignoring "red flags" prior to marriage does not make them go away with marriage. Marriage only intensifies these problems.
Myth: Everything negative in the marriage and my life is the fault of someone else, particularly my spouse.
Correction: It is the responsibility of each individual to correct the negatives within themselves.
Myth: I can make my spouse be righteous.
Correction: I cannot force my spouse to do anything.
Myth: I have to put up with my spouse's negative behavior.
Correction: Negative behavior needs to be corrected.
Myth: I as a woman do not need a college education or marketable skill; my husband will take care of me.
Correction: It is important to have an education or marketable skill, to be prepared.
Myth: Little things in marriage do not matter.
Correction: Little things can become big things if not corrected.