Making the Best of the Situation
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2004
I have read your e-mail you replied to about pleasing others, and not
worrying what others think. I need to ask your advice. I dated a wonderful man for 4 months, I got to know and care for his friends too. However his ex girlfriend whom he is friends with, is very close to the family. To cut a long story short. If didnít work out between myself and this guy, not because of the ex but for other reasons.
One of his good friends who was trying to get us back together, took me for lunch and told me that his ex told him (my ex friend) that my ex ran back to this girl saying he is so sorry that he ignored her, but now that he left me, he will be there for her.
I made a bad decision and confronted my ex about this. He couldnít believe what I was telling him. He then confronted his friend and his ex. Now his friend is upset with me for telling him what he told me. I felt so bad, but then his friend told my ex he never told me anything. A lady who was in our†company at the time, also denies that he told me anything.
Now I look like the jealous ex girlfriend, but it's not like that. I do feel bad for telling my ex what his friend told me, but that still doesnít give this man a reason to say I made up all this, when he knows I didnít. Now they are all friends and no one speaks to me. My ex boyfriend calls me now and then, to say I must go on with my life. At least we are still friends. He and his friends are still friends. I sit and feel bad everyday because I told him, but it doesnít look like this people who are lying are feeling bad. What should I do?
As you well know, things are never going to be the same. The people who have back-stabbed you by lying to save their own skins, are obviously not going to change, so what else is there to do but make a new life without them in it. Yes, this hurts and it is unfair, but unless you were wearing a wire at the time and taped the conversation, you canít prove a thing.
The fact is that the two of you were broken up before he decided to go back to his ex. It was his choice, so for all intent and purposes the relationship was done with, before the incident. You admit that you are both friends, which is a good place to be after a break-up, so there is nothing lost there.
His and your so-called friends are not really friends if they lie about you to save their own skins. You do not need friends like that! Thank you luck stars that you didnít find this out over something much more damaging.
With that in mind, it is time to move on to greener pastures. Make new friends by engaging in new activities. Take up new hobbies or take classes that interest you. If you donít have money for classes, then audit them (Audit: Taking classes without credit, just for the sake of gaining knowledge). The main thing is, not to look back! Make a new and brighter life for yourself.
You have mourned the past and the bad thing that happened to you, so burry it and get on with living your life. Endeavor from this time forth, that they or the incident will have not more power over you.
Perhaps while you are making the best of your life, you will find true friends and that special someone else who will light up your life. You will never find them or him if you donít open up yourself to new experiences and make the most of your life.