Dealing with the Grief Work of Losing One's
Health
Annette Nay, MS
Copyright © 2002
What You Should Do
- If you are comfortable in praying, say a prayer for the Lord to comfort
your loved ones and you at this time. Ask God for help in making the
appropriate choices in medication or other medical choices, so you will have
the mental capacity to think clearly enough to make good decisions, also for
help in knowing what to say and do for your family. Sometimes the
things doctors tell you to do are not really the best thing for you at this
time. Only prayer will help you to know this. As God to guide
you to the answers you need to make the best decisions for you and the
strength to stand up for and get what you need.
- If you are affiliated with a church group, contact the pastor/bishop, or
his/her counterpart so s/he can give aid to your family and you.
- It is best to talk out your feelings instead of holding them in. Find
people you can trust and talk to. This may be a combination of close
friends, counselor, doctor, and/or a religious leader.
- Friends can be a support and comfort. Don't send them away.
Your having a long-term health problem does funny things to the people
you know. Do not expect that they will always be there for you.
Many do not know what to do or say to someone who has continual health
problems, so instead of doing the wrong thing they stay away. Don't hold
this against them. They just do not know how to help you and listening to
the continuous litany of problems sends them running the other
direction.
- You need to talk. You need answers from those who know what you are
going through. Join your local chapter of the disease you have and
attend their group sessions. Talk with them about your feelings and
needs. This will enable you to deal with your fears, sorted out your
thoughts, and gain an insights as to the direction you should proceed.
Getting your grief out enables you to take the fear and sting out of
the health-loss.
- Do not dwell on the loss or it will eat you up. Instead of looking
at what you cannot do, look at what you can still do. Praise the Lord
for all the good still left in your life and ask for His help in coping with
what you will have to go through.
The Stages of Grief
You will be experiencing specific behaviors gone through by all those who are
experiencing a great loss. Your loved ones may also go through
these. Many of these steps may be repeated, skipped, or may happen in any
order. They are:
Denial - Denying that the death has occurred or is going to occur.
Anger - Angry because it has or is going to happen. Some express anger
against God. How could He let this happen. Why me! Why now!
Bargaining - Many try to bargain with God, saying that if He spares
their loved one or themselves from death that they promise to doing certain
things to gain release from the impending death.
Depression - When bargaining hasn't worked, an individual may go into
depression. Those who have suffered a loss of a loved one tend to go into a form
of depression.
* Forms of depression may be sadness, inactivity, difficulty thinking and
concentrating, a significant increase or decrease in appetite, and/or time spent
sleeping, feeling of dejection and hopelessness, having suicidal thoughts,
and/or suicide.
Acceptance - Finally when the person has exhausted all avenues to
thwart death they come to except it and plan for it. Those who have suffered the
loss of a loved one, in this stage, try to get on with their lives. Many find
the solace to do this in realizing that there is life after death and that they
may see the loved one again. This is a testimony gained through personal prayer
with one's God.
- The anguish and emotional upheaval from the death of a loved one takes at
approximately one year to get one's public emotions under control.
- It takes an additional two to five years to get internal emotions under
control to get through special anniversary dates like birth dates and
holidays. It's hard to gain control while being constantly reminded of the
deceased through special songs, smells, colors, clothing, places, history,
and mutual friends. Don't expect to get over the death easily. Pray often
for the Lord to help your loved ones and you get through these times.
- By the same token, if you are constantly depressed and prefer isolation or
have suicidal thoughts, you need psychological help from a psychologist or
psychiatrist. Get help NOW!
Reference
Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth (1969) Death and Dying