Venting

Venting

Venting is an vital to the mediation process.

Venting allows each person to say exactly what his/her position is.
Everyone else is to listen carefully, respectfully, without interruption.
The mediator may starts by calling on each person one at a time to tell their point of view.
The individual speaks only to the mediator. If words or accusations are directed to others, the mediator orders the person to tell their story to her/him only.
Other participants are to take notes so that s/he can jot down any questions or points that need to be brought up later.

This part of the mediation serves a number of important purposes. It helps each person to "blow off steam." A person who is full emotion and/or ideas is too full to hear what others are saying. The venting process gives him /her a forum to get these thoughts and feelings out in the open while others truly listen, perhaps for the first time.

The mediator gets a detailed idea of what the situation is.
If there is a question as to the meaning of a statement the mediator asks questions and restates the point until it is clarified. The mediator does this in a non-threatening way.
This information will be used later to separate out the "wants" from their "needs."

Many mediators use active or reflective listening during the venting stage. This skill involves listening intently, and keeping on track by occasionally "reflecting back either the substance of the feeling of what has been said. When venting moves to other areas that are not being discussed at this time the mediator uses a statement or question to bring the speaker back to the subject at hand.

Example of Reflective Listening

John: I can't work with Bill.

Mediator: You sound frustrated. Explain why this is.

Example of Bring the Speaker back to the Subject

The subject is getting rid of vulgar language in the work place.

John: Bill uses such vulgar language that I can't hear what he is really trying to tell me for the filth. Then there was the time that he bumped into my car in the parking lot and broke my taillight.

Mediator: John how does not hearing Bill stop you from doing a good job at work?

The use of venting gets the issues out on the table and allows both sides to be heard by both sides. This is all done without blowups because it is done in a controlled environment. In the end, if this process has been done correctly, each person will feel validated.

The AD2 R Equation

Acknowledge ... Acknowledge the person's feelings, thoughts, and/or ideas. Accord them with respect even if you do not agree with them.
Distract ... Distract the individual that is bent on monopolizing the time or is venting about everything under the sun. Use a joke or smooth change of subject. Use a question to move on.
Deferred ... If a subject is properly accommodated at this time state that it is important and that it will be addressed at a later time.
Refer ... Some subjects need to be addressed elsewhere, by a professional of some type. Refer him/her to that professional.

Reference

Options Unlimited (1990). Mediation.