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Rules of Mediation
Annette Nay, PhD
Copyright 2009

Rules of Mediation

  1. Identify the problem
    • Stick strictly to the subject at hand.
  2. Make a commitment to solve the problem.
    • Do your best!
  3. Focus on the problem
    • Keep or past problems or blaming out of it.
    • Look at it objectively.
  4. Listen with an open mind
    • There may be only one right way to you because this is the way that always works for you.
    • Your way is not always right for anyone else.
    • There may be different circumstances that you are not aware of.
    • Not all people have the same skill level to be able to do what you suggest and do it well.
    • Remember, there is more than one way to skin a cat, so listen.
    • Try to understand the other person's point of view.
  5. Only one person speaks at a time.
    • If both participants start to speak at the same time, the mediator will stop the proceedings and call on each of the participants one at a time so both can be heard.
      • Decide who is going to speak first when this happens or when both sides are to be heard. This can be by age, or sex. The fairest way seems to be by the amount of time past. i.e. You get to present your thoughts first during the half hour. I get to do so the second.
      • Hold all comments for your time to speak.
      • Make notes to remind yourself of what you want to say.
  6. Attack the problem not the person.
    • Slights and name calling is not permitted.
    • State your views effectively.
  7. Treat each other with respect
    • The same respect you would want given to yourself.
    • Respect show be shown in your words, actions, and your body language.
    • No interruptions, rude noises, rude gestures, or rolling of eyes.
  8. Take responsibility for your actions. Do not blame them on another.
    • No one can make you be angry. You choose to be angry.
    • Instead, choose to take a Time-out for 5-30 minutes, before you loose your temper.
    • Using Time-outs as a delaying tactic to stop from reaching an agreement will not allowed.
  9. Tell the truth!
    • Parcel truths or statements with omitted parts are not considered truth. They are considered falsehoods or lies, because they are misleading and false.
  10. Do the proceedings of the mediation need to be confidential? Decide if this is so now.
    • What happens if the confidentiality is broken?
    • The mediator writes these decisions down now and gives a copy to the participants ASAP.

Reference: Options Unlimited, (1990). Mediation.

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