Use "I" Messages
Copyright © 2003
Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Using "I" Messages

• "I" messages should come from the true feelings of a person.
• Instead of blaming others, "I" messages helps the person tell another how his/her behavior makes him feel.
• People can relate and deal better with feelings then with name calling or accusations brought on by strong feelings.
• When a people focuses on the way they are feeling, they begin to understand why they are feeling as they do. When they understand, they can do something positive about it.
• One of these positive things is telling the other person how s/he feels and trying to discover together positive ways to overcome negative feelings.
• Example:
  • I feel (state the feeling) when you (state the specific behavior), because (state the effects it has on you).
  • I feel sad when you talk about me behind my back, because I feel betrayed, because I though we were friends.

Reference Options Unlimited (1990) Mediation.