When a participants start to get out of hand ie.:
voices raise in tone and loudness and/or their speech is rapid, it is time for
you to bring it back to normal. The way you act can make the difference. Whit
out even knowing it the participants will often follow your lead. This is what
you do:
Speak in a lower tone.
Speak softly so they have to be quiet to hear you.
Breath deeply.
Speak slower.
Smile
Watch your body language: When your body language is
closed, often you will find that the participants are already or are
becoming that way too. Body is a good gauge to monitor escalation of tempers
before they flare out of control.
Relax
Breath deeply
Un-clinch your fists
Do not make tapping noises.
Lips should be is a sweet understanding smile not a
hard line.
Eyes should be soft and smiling not bulging out or
squinty.
Loosen the jaw, not clinching the teeth together.
Uncross legs and arms so the body language is open
and receptive.
Sit or stand at eye level with the participants to
facilitate the feeling of power or dominance.
Listen to the thoughts that are being put out, not
thinking thoughts that you would like to punch someone out.
Pay attention, not looking out the window or
tracing a design with your mind.
Remind the participant and yourself that, "We can
find a win-win situation to accommodate both parties. Positive thinking is
the key.
Use "I" sentences. Ex: "I
think_____." "I feel______"
If a statement seems unclear, ask the participant to
state it in another way or if you think you under stand it restate it
another way saying, "So what I'm hearing you say is______.. Is this
correct?"
Word such as never, always, can't, unless, don't
should, shouldn't. mustn't, and better not are all words that invite
conflict because they convey an all or nothing effect. There are very few
things that are all or nothing and many of them are debatable. So do not use
these words!
Words that open a subject to discussion and slow down
conflict are: I think, I feel, maybe, it seems like, sometimes, perhaps, I
wonder, and what if.
Acknowledge the position of a participant. Never brush
it aside as worthless. Use words like: I can appreciate your situation.., It
sounds hard for you to________. Thank you for your_______. When one feels
demeaned or devalued they get angry.
Angry people tend to talk in monosyllables. This will
get you no where. Use open-ended questions to draw these people out and
allow them to explain their point of view or idea. An open-ended question is
one that cannot be answered with a yes or no. Ex: How would you handle this
situation?