You Can Know the Truth of All Things

Hello Annette,

I am a single mom and also a college student. I am not home for the first few hours that the children get home from school. It is weighing very heavily on my mind that my children have no parent at home for a few hours until I get home from an early evening class. So I get stories that, "so and so did this to me", but then the offending child will say, "well you should have seen what so and so did to me first". How is one to ever get to the bottom of these stories? It is impossible to "parent" when absent from the home. Any ideas would be so very greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

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Dear Mom,

Idleness is the tool of the devil...

Hold your children responsible for house/homework that is to be done while you are gone, as it will be checked on when you get home. Set consequences if these things are not done.

Trouble begins when there is too much open time on their hands so keep their time highly structured. Another words keep them busy, but not so much that it seems impossible to do. Each child should know exactly what is expected of him/her and at what time it is to be done. They should also know the consequences if these things are not done. Don't just tell them what to do...write it out in detail and post it in a prominent place for each child to seen.

See: The Family Job List Binder

http://www.annettenay.com/Binder.htm

Accept no excuses!

Be careful about what you will accept for extenuating circumstances!

Examples of acceptable ones are: a broken arm, a best friend died, the child had projectile vomiting, all the light went off on the block so s/he couldn't vacuum, and finals are tomorrow and they studied all night (in our home school work comes before house work).

Examples of unacceptable ones: My friend broke up with her boyfriend and she needed me to come right over! There was nothing to eat in the house so we went to the store. (Translated means: There was no junk food and they would have had to actually cook something)

Be consistent with the consequences or there is not hope. There will be chaos and the children will walk over the top of your and will run the home, not you.

When I had to work slightly later than the time that my children getting out of school and when I had to attend night Master's classes, I...

1. Bought a pager that I set on vibrate to signal incoming pages so it didn't disturb anyone at work. Then when I was able to slip to a phone, I called the children and straightened out problems. The children knew whatever they were calling about had to be important to page me at work. Define what is important means to your children. Give examples! Don't be too ridged... You want to know what is going on in your absence.

2. During work breaks or breaks in and between classes, I call the children to see how they were.

3. I arranged for a neighbor/friend to be available in case I needed him or her to go over and straighten out really bad stuff. If it needed muscle I was going to send the guy (their home teacher). If it needed a mother's finesse I had the option of sending neighbor friends or either of my visiting teachers. Just telling the children that I was going to send over Mr. or Mrs. So-in-so, helped them to work out things on their own.

4. Pray! Never underestimate the value of a mother's prayer. Ask God to help things go smooth while you are gone. If you do the things listed above you have done your part to make things right. God can see your are trying and if asked, will also help you all to get through these times. This does not mean that all will always go right! We had to deal with a 9 inch spiral fracture for a downhill skiing accident with a tree, but by the time I heard about it and by a miraculously turn of events, my children and a neighbor had my hurt child at the hospital and in the care of a doctor. What I am saying is...children make poor choices sometimes, but I was doing my best and asking the Lord to help. Things did go haywire, but the results were mitigated because I had divine intervention. PRAY continuously!

See: God Answers Silent and Vocal Prayers

http://www.annettenay.com/Prayers.htm

When you get conflicting stories you can know the truth of all things by...

1. Asking the Lord to help you find the truth.

2. Listen patiently without judgment to all the story...

3. Question all siblings because they maybe able to shed some light on the subject even if they didn't have a part in the problem.

4. After you are satisfied that you have all the facts, excuse yourself from the room, telling the children that you need to discuss it with the Lord.

5. Go behind closed doors to sort it all out, make a decision, and ask the Lord if it is correct. If it is then administer the consequences for such behavior to the guilty party.

See: Who is the Thief Among Us?

http://www.annettenay.com/Thief.htm