How to Turn the Fear and Hatred of Unwanted Sex into Intimate Passionate Sex with Your Spouse

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright 1999

How do you turn something that frightened you, you hated, hurt you, and that you tried to keep from happening again, into something intimate, wanted, loved, and passionately binding you to your husband/wife.

Often it is negative messages from the unconscious that stop individuals who have been molested or assaulted from enjoying a sexually satisfying relationship with their spouse. These are just some of the messages that may be hampering you from intimacy.

These negative thoughts will continued to ruin your life until they are changed. It is up to you to change them. This can be done through reprogramming your subconscious thoughts.


Reprogramming Your Subconscious Negative Thoughts

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright 1999

Step One

You should lie down in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed.

1. Start with a relaxation exercise. Tense up all the body parts and then release them completely until these parts hang from your body like a rag doll's would. Inventory the relaxation in each body part as listed below: Breath deeply and slowly.

Spend about five minutes of total peace and relaxation there.

  1. Then come back slowly to level one. Tell yourself you will be awake, alert, and refreshed when you get there. Upon reaching level one open your eyes and go about your day's events.
  2. Practice going to level 5 in at least once a day for a week. When you can lie down and reach your destination with in 3-5 minutes, you are ready to talk to yourself and reorder your negative thoughts to positive ones.
  3. What do you want changed in your life. Do you need more self esteem? Is there something in your life that you are afraid of and would like to overcome it? Level five is the place to do it.

Step Two


Example of Reprogramming

"I can be sexual and close with my husband/wife." "I can be sexual and close with my husband/wife because I love him/her." "I CAN be sexual and close with my husband/wife!"

Rules for Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind

Example: "I won't be afraid," should be stated as "When I feel even a little fearful I will breath deeply and relax all the muscles throughout my body. "

Step Three: Positive Affirmations

Use positive affirmations just before sleep. The brain replays what was thought and/or said to yourself or from others to you for approximately 45 minutes to an hour after you go to sleep. This replay or information goes straight to the subconscious mind. It is a good way to change negative thought or practice information needed for work or school.

Positive affirmations can be done while looking in the mirror. See yourself telling yourself in a believable confident way. Post card with positive affirmations on it by the mirror if possible.

These can be used anytime. The more often you tell yourself something the sooner your mind will believe it.



Positive Thought to Use for Positive Affirmations

These positive affirmations can become the basis of your reprogramming segment.

A Final Thought

As always it is a good idea to ask God to help you with reprogramming your thoughts. Things go better and progress quicker than usual. Also He can help you pick the positive thoughts you should use in reprogramming negative ones.

To help resolve issues from sexual assault or molestation see:

Adults Resolving Issues Stemming from Sexual Assault or Molestation

Ridding Yourself of Trauma



Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Annette Nay Homepage

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