A Siblingís Sexual Misconduct
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2003
I have a 12 yr old son that last night my daughter was complaining that her butt hurt for some reason I could tell something was not right. After questioning her I found out that my 12 yr old son had been pulling down her underwear and putting his finger in her butt, I could not get a whole lot out of her I did not know how to take it I tried to explain to her no matter who it is no one is to touch her in her private area's. I am at a lost I do not know what to do I do not want to make this a legal matter; he is only 12, but I need to know what to do now.
Dear In a Nightmare,
Your 12 year old is way old enough to know that he should
not be engaging in such behaviors. He
is however at the right age to be hormone-filled and want to explore sex.
This is probably what got him started with this sexually deviant
No matter what the age of the child, no matter what
deficiencies he has physically, mentally, or emotionally, when the child has
unwanted sexual contact with another child, it is sexual assault. In this case, the sexual assault of a sibling, it is incest.
I think you know that. Your
manner of speaking of it reveals your horror of the whole situation.
Letís look at the situation.
Both of these are steps that need to be taken, but not the
end of what must happen, to keep this from happening again, either to your
daughter or someone else.
When a child starts having contact, sexually, it is exciting. The excitement will continue for a short while, because whatever he is doing (his ritual) becomes commonplace, so he needs to something more outrageous to gain back the excitement. His next steps will be something like this:
I put them in this order, because it is the natural order
of progression of behavior of most sexual deviants, if they are not stopped.
This is because the sex offenderís excitement with one behavior will
wane and he WILL go on to other more stimulating behaviors.
It is just a matter of time! Iím
You stated that you donít want to get the law involved.
At this is fine, but you must get him the counseling that the court would
have ordered that he must have. If
you donít, I promise that he will do this to other children (male or female)
and their parents will bring the law into it.
Since time has passed and his behavior will have escalated even further,
it will be much harder to stop him, if not impossible.
Save the heartache of other victims and their families having to deal
with this and get him help.
Your daughter also needs counseling so she can go on and
have normal and happy sex in her later life.
Also, it is very important to know that those who have been sexually
abused generally become abusers themselves, acting out the abuse that was
perpetrated upon them. This become
exciting to them and they too progress down the sexually deviant behaviors list
I outlined above. Therefore, you
must get counseling for your daughter. She
needs help. It is not just a nice
thing to do - it is a must!
Another thing that you must do it warn your husband about
is sonís sexual behavior. He must
also know what behaviors look for, so he can stop it from happening.
Since the child is staying with him, it falls to him to get him the help
he needs, NOW!
Check in the yellow pages under ďPsychologist.Ē Call
around to find out who works with sexually deviant behaviors in youths.
If the first one does not do this type of work, then ask if s/he can
refer you to someone who does. Keep
asking this question of each listed psychologist, until you get it answered.
Then call that psychologist or psychiatrist!
During counseling, the counselor will probably be able to address the other behaviors of being untouchable, bossy, and rebelling against authority/rules. Be sure to address these behaviors with your counselor.
The following is an article I wrote some years ago, but is still pertinent today. It states the red flags that signal that show that your son is still engaging in sexually deviant behaviors., It also tells you how to keep it from happing because it states the modus operandi your child is using to get his victims ready for his assault.
Make sure that your husband other care-takers of your son, and , you know what these signs are, devoutly keep an eye on him, and look for these behaviors. He must NEVER be left alone with other children, male or female!
Your counselor will know what to do to help your son and your daughter. Seek his/her help NOW!
Annette Nay, MS
. Incestuous Siblings
Annette Nay, MS
Copyright © 2000
There is a silent, growing problem in our homes, amongst our children. It is incest. Many parents never know it is there. Others find out only after several of their children have been victimized.
Until recently, the prevailing belief was that adolescents do not commit sexual offenses of any serious consequence. As a result, the adolescent sexual offender has been neglected in prosecution, research, clinical literature, and treatment.
In 1981 the FBI Uniform Crime Reports state that juveniles were responsible for 20% of all our countries sexual offenses. A significant number of those reported were incestuous acts committed between siblings. These are only the reported crimes.
Since this is a silent crime and with the rise of easily obtained pornography and explicit TV shows, magazines, and Internet, it is feared that the percentage of incestuous sibling activity today, is incredibly high.
The following information was taken from three separate studies of intra-familial sexual offenders headed by Keith L. Kaufman, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Pediatrics and Psychology Children's Hospital and The Ohio State University
These facts tend to correlate with studies done on other sexual crimes on youth such as adult pedophiles.
Intra-familial offenders were defined as perpetrators whose primary sexual acts were victim(s) related to them or shared a home with them.
Personal Space-The area or space within arms distance of a person.
Grooming Behaviors - Behaviors used to gain positive sexual or favorable responses from younger siblings. The touching or caressing is used to get the victim used to their ever increasing and quickly becoming sexually oriented touching.
Demographics and Generalities
Understanding the perpetrators' modus operandi is critical for identifying "red-flag" situations which put your children in danger. Moreover, the identification of these behavior patterns can be utilized to enlist the assistance of family members in monitoring offenders' actions.
A Synopsis of Red Flags Warnings To Look For
Barriers to Sexual Abuse...
Pray for help! Then act on the following to do what you can to keep your children safe...
Both the offender and the victim need counseling. Make sure that they get it.
Do not sweep the situation under the carpet. Turn in the offender to the authorities so that they can get him/her sex offender treatment. Today's Sex Offender Treatment really does help. The courts will order this for the sex offender!
Sex offenses left untreated
only get worse and harder to treat!
See: Counseling for Sexual Misconduct
A Mother's Plea (Finding, Funding and Mandating Treatment for Offenders) http://incestabuse.about.com/health/mentalhealth/incestabuse/library/weekly/aa020998.htm?COB=home&terms=juvenile+sex+offenders&PM=112_300_T
Adult and Youth Sex Offender Treatment Centers http://incestabuse.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.gl.umbc.edu/~ddixon1/women/sexabuse/offendtx.html
Treating the Denying Sex Offender By Charlene Steen, Ph.D., J.D. http://incestabuse.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/offender/treatingSO.html
JUVENILE FORENSIC EVALUATION RESOURCE CENTER
Graduated and Community-Based Sanctions for Juvenile Offenders Richard E. Redding, J.D., Ph.D. Many juvenile justice scholars agree that prison incarceration should be reserved only for a small number of very chronic or violent offenders, with graduated and community-based dispositions used for all other offenders.
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