Using I Messages

Use "I" Messages

"I" messages should come from the true feelings of a person.
Instead of blaming others, "I" messages helps the person tell another how his/her behavior makes him feel.
People can relate and deal better with feelings then with name calling or accusations brought on by strong feelings.
When a people focuses on the way they are feeling, they begin to understand why they are feeling as they do. When they understand, they can do something positive about it.
One of these positive things is telling the other person how s/he feels and trying to discover together positive ways to overcome negative feelings.
Example:
1. I feel (state the feeling) when you (state the specific behavior), because (state the effects it has on you).
2. I feel sad when you talk about me behind my back, because I feel betrayed, because I though we were friends.

Reference

Options Unlimited (1990) Mediation


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