Stop Trashing Yourself

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright 1997

Do you get down on yourself? Do you lack self esteem?

What negative talk do you tell yourself to that is negative, hurtful or unhealthy statements about yourself? Do you use statements like:

Just once won't hurt.

Why should I keep trying.

Other people don't care about me, so why should I?

I'm never going to make it!

I'm too stupid!

I can't make it!

Negativity Where Does it Come From?

Maslow, a psychologists from Psychology's beginnings once said that people tend toward goodness. If this is so then where does all the negative self-talk come from?

Your own thoughts? Where did you get it from?

Did significant others tell you these things? Where did they get it from?

From our ancestors? . . . Adam and Eve? Where? . . .the snake? Hum!...


Two Opposing Powers

If you believe there is a God/Higher Power, then you must know there is His/Her opposite, that of evil. I call this entity "The Garbage Man."  I call him The Garbage Man because all he gives us is garbage! He is the father of negative self-talk. He's goal is to hold you captive and keep you his prisoner. He does not want you to excel or to be proud of yourself. In fact he wants you to be as negative and miserable as he is. That is his goal in life and he is doing it very well.


Tools of the Garbage Man

Let me aquaint you with some of the tools the Garbage Man uses to reach his goal.

Setting and Trying to Reach Unreasonable Goals.

Unproductive or Destructive Thoughts

These thoughts keep you inactive or help you back-slide instead of progressing. It also diminishes your self-esteem. He says:

You're going to fail anyway so why try?

You can't change! Addicted people are bad people.

You just blew it. You might as well give it up and just keep doing it.

Everyone else is doing it. Why can't I?

This isn't so bad. It's just a little thing.. . . Except one little thing leads to another larger thing until you are totally out of control.


Too Much of Anything is not Good.

He manipulates you into doing too much. His favorite tactic is to get you to over extend yourself doing good works. Overeating or overworking, for any reason, are also used.


Peer Pressure

There are expectations from friends, family, work, society, and the world's expectations that pressures us into doing things we would not do otherwise.



The Past is Past

Berating Yourself for Self-Care

When are You the Most Vulnerable?

He uses his tools more successfully, if he waits until you are vulnerable. Like when you are:  tired, lonely, sick, hungry, sad, confused, frustrated, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed or complacent, because you are happy and contented.

Switching the Labels... Bad is good and Good is Bad

He likes to label things that are good, bad.

It's bad to be in treatment. Your a bad/sick person.

Telling the truth is snitching. Snitches are bad people.

* We must keep our priorities in proper perspective.

* Old values are still good ones!

Keep a Clear Perspective

This can be done by remembering the five points of perspective on the digits of your hand.

  1. The first digit is your thumb.  Number one in your life should be your God/Higher Power(HP). When you keep Him foremost in your life He can help keep all the other things in your life in perspective.
  2. The pointer finger represents the second most important person in your life. That is yourself. If you do not take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually there is not enough of you to go around to take care of everyone or anything else.
  3. After God/HP and yourself, the third most important people in your life are your family. Their needs come after caring for yourself. This does not mean you are selfish and uncaring about these people's needs; it means that self-care is a must.
  4. The fourth most important group in your life is the needs of your religious group. Their needs must never rule over the needs of any of the previous peoples needs in your life. If they do set a boundary and simple say no for this time.
  5. The last group who gets your consideration, is the community. Community work is important and needs to be done, but not to the detriment of those people who come before it.
When it is difficult to keep our lives in perspective and we feel pulled in several directions, it is time to use the five finger perspective to bring your life back into balance. When you make decisions as to what you should be doing for who, and when, remember to make those decisions with the five finger perspective in mind. It saves a lot of heartache and stress.

The Wrap-Up

Remember there are two forces in this world. One that would hold you captive, miserable, and always unhappy with yourself. The other wants you to grow into the most capable individual you can be. Your God/HP wants you to be happy with who you are and confident to continue to grow and develop eternally.

You Will Know Them by Their Actions

You will meet individuals who will be in the service of one power or the other. None will serve both. You will know which side they are on by their actions. Do they help you to like yourself and want you to grow and develop or are they continually putting you down? Do they help you to choose to do good things, or are you continually getting in trouble when you are with them? Do you feel miserable with them? Are they miserable people?

Choose your companions well.

They will lead you to happiness or unhappiness and self-destruction.

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

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