Copyright © 1999
Dear Annette,
I read the question from Want to Live, the sister who had been sexually abused and your counsel to her. I am a male who was molested (people outside the immediate family) when I was in my teens. I'm also an ACOA, an adult survivor of child abuse, codependent and clinically depressed. Much of my understanding comes from what I gleaned from books by John Bradshaw. Currently I'm in individual therapy and am working to get started a mixed group for church members/sexual abuse victims.
My main problem seems to be what Bradshaw calls "toxic shame" and a core of unresolved anger, hurt, pain and other stuff that goes back to three years or earlier.
First, would you recommend the same counsel you gave Want to Live?
Second, in your opinion, COULD Heavenly Father intend me to deal with this for the remainder of my earthly probation rather than completely overcoming it and living a normal life?
Dear Still Keeping On,
First, I recommend the same counsel to you as I gave Want to Live?
Second: You asked: "COULD Heavenly Father intend me to deal with this for the remainder of my earthly probation rather than completely overcoming it and living a normal life? My main problem seems to be what Bradshaw calls "toxic <shame" and a core of unresolved anger, hurt, pain and other stuff that goes back to three years or earlier....
My answer to you is, "No!" Instead He gave us the commandment to forgiving and forgetting!
Forgiving and forgetting may be a commandment from God, but He was really giving us a great blessing instead. When a person truly forgives someone who has trespassed against him and forgets those trespasses, he eliminates the hurt pain and unresolved anger that cankers his soul, and tears at his physical and emotional well-being. Follow the steps below to rid yourself of the toxic core of your problems...
FORGIVING
1. Go to the Lord in Fasting and Prayer. Ask the Lord to help you get rid of the feelings you are holding on to about a person that has trespassed against you.
2. Write down all the rotten things this person has done to you. Write how you felt, everything you can grasp about the events. This is your bill of accountability. There is in black and white.
3. Now take the bill and give it to God. Make a small fire and pray as you do so that God will take the bill and all the lousy feelings and memories and keep it Himself for the day of accounting between Him and that person. As you do so burn the bill and the lousy things with it. As the smoke and fire rise up to consume the bill see it in your mind ascending into heaven to God for safe keeping.
In this way you are forgetting the ugliness and not holding on to it any more and God is taking care of it for you, because you cannot afford to do so any longer. It is literally killing you!
FORGETTING
1. The forgetting is YOU not holding this person accountable whenever you think of him, hear the mention of his name, or see him. It is not that he will not be held accountable, because he will, but YOU are not to hold him accountable. All this time you have literally been holding a hammer and stake in you hands ready to drive them through his heart every moment of every day. You have been wanting to take vengeance on this person. Vengeance is mine says the Lord!!!
2. God will do his duty by you. Give up the hammer and stake to Him. You cannot afford to carry them around with you any more. See yourself in prayer handing over the hammer and stake over to the Lord.
3. Ask the Lord to takes over the job of judge and executioner, by taking the hammer and stake from you, see yourself washing your hands of the whole thing in a beautiful white marble basin. See the filth leave your hands as it drains from your heart and your mind. Ask the Lord to have this filth bother you no more! The sooner you do this the better!
Repeat the steps for forgiving and forgetting as often as needed to elevate the stored up vengeance in your soul. Do the procedure on separate days for each person. You may want to use Fast Sunday to do this.