Son in Rehab

Son Wants Out of Rehab

My son has been in rehab for 4 days now. He called me tonight wanting to come home. He has a three yr old habit: smoking speed, pills, alcohol, mjs, etc. He wanted to go in. It is hard. He has threatened to run away from rehab if I don't come get him. I’ve never been thru this with one of my children. Tough love is harder then it seems.

Can you help?
- Mother of 15 yr-old drug addict

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Dear Mother,

What was happening in rehab that was so-o-o-o bad that he could not get through it? The only thing that could be that bad is the withdrawal from his drugs. That is always a real physical and mental torment, but it is the first step to getting clean and it must be taken. It is either go through it or continue on with what has been happening.

One of the biggest problems with continuing on with his drug habit is that it never stays the same. He will gain a tolerance to the drugs and need more to just be normal, not high, like he wants.

One way that drug addicts use to overcome the tolerance problems they have with their drug of choice is to use inject harder drug such as crank, crystal-meth, and/or heroin. These to eventually have the tolerance problems and then there is nothing they can do. What is worse is that they now have a drug that is so habit-forming that they seldom get away from it, even when their body is clean of it. Their minds and bodies crave it so badly that they cannot say no and start using again, fresh out of rehab.

Having to support the tolerance drug problem, means needing more money for drugs and having to steal to get it. As a result, all of the drug addicts I counseled had a rap sheet, with the police, as long as your arm. All had done time in jail.

The drug habit becomes so expensive and out of control that there is no way to cope. That is when addicts finally seek help. After three years of using drugs, the drug tolerance level must have reached a level that your son was not able get the amount of drugs he needed to cope, no matter what he did. This is probably why he decided to check into rehab.

My drug clients admitted they spent all day stealing and fencing things so they could spend the night with their drug of choice. That was the total some of their life. Another words, their lives were totally lost to them, and they spent their days bring misery to others from their thefts.

Some thefts end up in murder. One addict was toting a gun to other cities to rip-off drug dealers of their drugs and money. It is only a mater of time before someone gets killed. The same is true of those that rob homes.

These deaths do not account for the deadly medical problems that always accompany drug usage. Many of my addicts had all three types of hepatitis, which were leading to their deaths. Others were sharing needles and AIDS. These are only a few of the medical problems addicts face.

A lot of addicts die just because there is no control over the strength of the drugs, resulting in a drug overdose. Others die from the junk that is used as filler, to cut the strength of the drugs. Many of my addicts had blue marks at many of the site of injection, because the dealers had used shoe polish to cut the drugs. This is only one example of hazardous chemicals used. Most are a lot more lethal.

Intravenous drug users face the problem of collapsed veins. They keep shooting-up and one by one, the veins finally collapse. The druggie deals with this problem by finding another vein. A couple of my drug addict client admitted that they were having to shoot their drug straight into the juggler, as it was the only vein they had left.

What you have to ask yourself is this: “Do I want my son to die or to have a productive life?” Whether he is shot, overdoses on drugs, dies from medical problems as a result of using drugs, or does absolutely nothing with his life, He is Dead! I think you want more for your son than that. If that is so, you have to tell him why he needs to stay there.

He will beg, threaten, become angry or anything else that he can think of to push your buttons and get you to come save him, but you will not be saving him, you will be giving him the death sentence.

His only real chance is to go through rehab and get clean. This does not mean that he will never use and get himself right back where he was before he entered rehab. When this happens, there is a greater chance that he will use harder drugs to cope with drug tolerance, so he doesn’t have to go back to rehab. Eventually, the problem will catch up with him again and he will have to go back to rehab just to set the tolerance level back, so he can cope again.

If you really love your child, you will not listen to the addict talking- that needs a fix, you will listen to your heart and give your son the chance at life that he desperately needs. You really have no choice, if you love him! I hope this you to stay resolute in your decision of getting him the help he needs.

Addicts have to get the drug out of their system and learn how to keep out of trouble. They get this in rehab. To stay clean they have to want to change and need to be willing to do what it takes to do so. This is not easy, but must be done or they will be using again. The following article shows exactly what needs to be done just to have a chance at staying clean.

Counseling Objectives and Relapse Prevention

Avoid slippery people, slippery places, and slippery things, unless you want to slip. The wisdom in this slogan refers to the need to change many aspects of one's lifestyle in the interest of recovery.
Some of these may have to do with daily routines such as cooking meals, ironing, cleaning the house, coming home from work, or watching the 6 o'clock news on television. Other drinking rituals may involve certain people or even certain places. This process of connecting drinking with people, places, things, and routines happens naturally as drinking becomes habitual.
The addict is someone who is increasingly preoccupied with maintaining a certain level of alcohol or drug in their body and whose drinking or using in turn becomes connected to habits and rituals. In time, many of the addict's old habits and interests give way to new ones, which support the addiction.
In order to stay sober or clean, you need to change many patterns associated with habitual use; otherwise, your willpower will be no match for the power of ritual and habits combined with the obsession caused by drinking or using.
Can you identify any rituals associated with drinking?

Is there a certain sequence of events that you follow?
Is there certain routines that are associated with your addiction?
Can you identify a list of drinking or drug using partners?
Can you appreciate the power of habit or how powerful these rituals can be and how they can actually be stronger than willpower?
Can you see how preoccupation with drinking will be no match for personal will power in one of these slippery situations?

First, you need to identify slippery situations
Second, change, people, places, things, and routines associated with your addiction if you hope to sustain be sober or clean.
How can you develop:

a new social network--a new group of sober or clean friends?
things to do and places to go instead of drinking or doing drugs?
Where did you spend most of your time with your addiction?
Where will you spend your time in the future?

Include places that are associated with a variety of activities with a variety of sober and clean people.

Example: Going to church and becoming involved in its functions.
Exercise/gym (YMCA)
Pursue hobbies or interests...bowling leagues, etc.
Use the library for books, music, or videos.

Generally relapse can happen for a lot of reasons the most commonly it happens when one is:

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired = the acronym, HALT

Do not allow yourself to get into these positions without taking care of these problems fast. These are the emotions that most often lead to taking that first drink or hit, which in turn sets off cravings and leads back to addiction.
Be able to identify the following "feeling states" and do something about them before you are induced to drink or drug them away:

LONELINESS ·ANGER ·GRIEF ·ANXIETY

·RESENTMENT ·SELF-PITY

You are more apt to cover these feelings up with addiction when you are either hungry or tired. Getting lots of rest and eat healthfully.

Helpful Sayings and Slogans

Easy Does It

First Things First

One Day at a Time

Let Go Let God

Turn It Over

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Hungry and Tired

Recovering addicts need to develop a lifestyle that allows them to get adequate rest.

A state of exhaustion is an invitation drink or use.
A body in poor physical condition will get tired more quickly than one that is being taken care of
How much sleep should you have on an average?
Is this adequate? The average adult needs eight hours rest. Any more ore less usually leaves the body tired and sluggish.
What changes, if any, should you make with regard to rest?
What is your state of health? Are you capable of some form of regular exercise in the interest of gaining energy?

Avoid excessive hunger.
Regular meals are encouraged.
You are encouraged to use light healthy snacks to avoid getting too hungry.
Do you have cravings for something sweet?
How can you satisfy this need, healthfully?
Anxiety has many sources.
One form of anxiety concerns making decisions or knowing what to do and feeling right about it.
Much of the spirituality is directed at relieving the sense of confusion and anxiety associated with being alone, of having no one or no faith to rely on.
The "serenity prayer" addresses feelings of isolation and confusion:

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

In making decisions:

Study it out in your mind.
Make a decision as to what choice you want to take.
Ask your Higher Power if your decision is the right one for you, at this time.
If you feel a sweet calm or get a sense that what you have asked is good or right, you have gotten a "yes" answer from your Higher Power. Follow through on your decision.
If you feel confused or tend to forget what you are asking, you have just received a "No" answer. If this is the case Ask your Higher Power to help you select the correct choice. Rethink your choices and repeat step 3.

Stress

The pressures of deadlines and over-commitment create stresses that invite addiction.
Developing a system of realistic priorities.
Make a realistic or do-able list of things to do today.
Schedule things twice as far in advance as you usually would.
Sit quietly for 15 minutes a day.
Talk to someone, preferably a recovering person, about your feelings of being overextended.
Anger and resentment are difficult emotions for addicts to deal with.

1. Anger that causes anxiety drives the addict to drink or use in order to cover these feelings up.

Resentment, comes from unexpressed or denied anger
Resentments must be confronted and let go in favor of more effective ways of dealing with anger in the present.
How can you express anger better, to avoid building up stores of resentments in the future?

Identify sources of resentment:
What do you do in these situations versus what you used to do?
There is little difference between unexpressed anger you have at the moment and stuffing it and resentment in which you hold on to anger over things that have happened in the past. Examples: Someone breaking your favorite vase and you saying its all right (stuffing it). Someone continually taking advantage of you (holding on to past resentment).
Both types fester and canker your feeling and thoughts.
Both poison your system and ruin future health both mentally and physically.
What can you do to keep either of these types of anger from happening to you in the future?
What can you do to get rid of such anger from the past?
What would stop the patient from expressing anger in the future?
Should you deal with your anger immediately on the spot or take time to figure out why you are angry.
Has this anger incident dredged up old festering anger that has not been dealt with?
Does the amount and intensity of your anger really match the incident at hand?
When you are angry are there times that you cannot figure out how to deal with it?
Are there times that doing anything would only make things worse?
How do you deal with this type of anger? Can you discuss it with your Higher Power?
There will be times when the only best way to deal with your anger is to Turn It Over to your Higher Power.
Make a commitment to express your anger honestly and deal with it as soon as possible in the best possible manner.

Grief

Addicts-to-be often experience many losses that have gone un-grieved.
The grieving process goes through several stages. These stages do not always follow a certain order or included all the stages. Some stages are repeated several times.
Understanding the stages can help you identify where you are and help you get through them in a healthy manner.

Denial - This is denying there was or loss or minimizing the importance of what was lost. This includes denying its importance.

Anger - The breakdown of denial and the natural reaction to loss.

Bargaining - Attempting to replace the lost thing with something else without acknowledging its loss.

Sadness - The true expression of un-denied loss. Sadness that is dwelt upon for long lengths of time could be depression and may need professional help to overcome.

Acceptance - This comes slowly, only as denial breaks down and the individual feels able to come to terms with the reality of loss or limitation and is ready to move on.

Identify one loss in your life, which you have worked through in this way.
Identify a loss you have not worked through.
Addicts need to come to terms with the "loss" of not using alcohol or drugs to cope with problems or feelings.
Accept the limitation that you cannot control your use of alcohol or drugs and have to give it up.
Your recovery task is to go through the grief process with respect to alcohol and drugs.

Write a "good-bye letter" to your companion, alcohol or drugs.
Write in your journal about losses that you have not adequately acknowledged and grieved, including losses in each of these areas:

Relationships (people, pets, things or goals
Self-esteem or self worth

Dependency on alcohol or drugs needs to be conceptualized as a relationship that must be broken and grieved in order to recover.

The Moral Inventory

Addiction is a physical and a spiritual illness.
It is an illness of the spirit in the sense that addicts are driven by their disease to behave in ways that compromise their personal ethics and values.
Addicts commit crimes and misdeeds in the process of satisfying their obsession with their addiction.
As a result addicts have impaired judgment while under the influence. This undermines their self-esteem, alienates others, and makes reaching out to one's Higher Power and others more difficult.
Recognize the fact that you have feelings of guilt and shame related to your behavior. Acknowledge and share that these feelings have value.
In general, such a moral inventory is a process instead of an event. It is done best, by someone who is actively working to stay sober and clean. A true inventory takes time to investigate with your sponsor, clergy, counselor or your Higher Power.
Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous (AA/NA) program sets least 6 months of personal work for this step.
Some feel that a personal moral inventory should be taken often with one's Higher Power, for the rest of their life.

Goals of the Moral Inventory

1. Honestly admit and talk about the wrongs and errors you have committed as a result of your addiction.

Honesty - To be of real value, a moral inventory must be honest. Admit your contributions to strained marriages or friendships, problems with children, and so on. Be frank without promoting needless guilt. The goal of a successful moral inventory is not guilt but commitment to recovery.
Addiction have predictable effects on personality, one of which is that character defects that were evident before the illness will get worse. Still others may emerge as a consequence of becoming obsessed with alcohol. Most addicts become more demanding and selfish over time.
Explore these character defects that leads you to make ethical and moral compromises.
Character defects include qualities such as:

· Jealousy · Greed · Selfishness · Impulsiveness · Grandiosity · Arrogance · Self-pity · Meanness · Resentment

Journaling should be used to explore your character defects these.
List down any important items you come to understand about yourself during the whole process of the moral inventory.

2. Balance recognition of wrongs done with equal recognition of positive aspects about you.

· Balance -- A moral inventory should also be balanced, meaning that you should not lose sight of your positive qualities, right choices, and heroic efforts.

Even the most severe addicts are capable of doing things right now and then.
Note asset or qualities of the following:

· Generosity · Heroism · Charity · Sharing

· Altruism · Kindness · Humility · Love · Compassion

Making Amends

You have had the courage to face your moral mistakes may be able to at least acknowledge them.
Because of this inventory you have sometimes felt the need to do something to make up for those mistakes. This gives you an advantage over those who refuse to even acknowledge their defects.
The question now becomes: When are amends appropriate, and what constitutes appropriate amends?
Sponsors and AA/NA friends, clergy, counselor, and your Higher Power are key sources of support during this time of making amends.
It would be appropriate during this time to contact your counselor between sessions if you are experiencing intense emotional reaction to the moral inventory or amends work.
An emergency counseling session could be appropriate.

Reference

The Twelve-Step Program