Annette Nay, PhD

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How to Cure a Failing Marital Relationship
Annette Nay, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2007

Many men have asked why their wife does not want them to touch them anymore or want to be with them. They cannot understand what has occurred in their marriage that has brought them to this point. Most often it is because the wife is relegated to the care of the children and the husband is tied up with his job and the two worlds never meet until sex is wanted. Since there is no relationship, sex becomes a act of duty not of love that binds the relationship together.

You may think this answer trite in the manner that I have presented it, but the concepts that are represented are true and time tested. Try them all whole-heartedly for a month and see if they do not bring results. If they do, consciously use them continually. Most often it doesn't take long for the spouse to treat you the way you are treating you.

W – Woo your wife. Treat her like you did when you were courting her. You won her heart then. You can do it again. Ask God’s help in this endeavor.

E – Enable her to talk about the slights or hurts that have and do occur in your marriage, whether they are imagined or real. Many women do not realize that they do not forgive their spouse for the slights or hurts, but instead carry them around with them. Each is a nail in the coffin representing their marriage, with their spouse inside. The more nails, the deader the marriage and her spouse to her. One day they realize that there is nothing left and they don’t understand what went wrong. This is when a divorce lawyer is consulted.

D – Date night! Friday nights for many is date night. It is important to do something with your spouse at least weekly. It is also important to really listen to her every day. Listen to her as if she is someone very important, because she is. See my article, Active Listening.

D – Everyone has disagreements with their spouse. See how to work with these so they do not become nails in the coffin of your marriage. See my related articles:

I – “I Statements” Both of you should use “I Statements” to tell each other how you feel. See my article, Communicating with "I" Messages.

N – Nothing! Nothing should be more important to you than your spouse; save it is God, himself. Help your spouse understand that nothing comes before her in your life; not your job, sports, or others. Keep this thought utmost in your mind and heart as you make decisions, speak to her, and in your actions. Act as if there is nothing more precious than your relationship, even if you do not feel that way at this time. Fake it ‘til you make it!

G – Go to God! Have couples prayer morning and night. Talk to God about your relationship and the things that are you are both facing that day. Ask for insight, wisdom and help to face those challenges. At night both kneel and thank God for his help. I have not known of a woman yet that has not had her heart touched when she hears her husband pleading to God in her behalf. Take turns praying. One day is yours the next day hers.


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