Copyright © 1998

Schedule for the conference:

10:00 A.M. Break into two groups:

1) 7-10 min. lectures: Ten Ways to be a Better Visiting Teacher

Duties of a Visiting Teacher

The Purpose of the Visit

2) VT Convention Craft: Refrigerator Magnets: VT Do It/Done Hearts

11:00 A.M. Four Vignettes @ approx. 7 minutes each

12:00 P.M.. Keynote Speaker: Stake Relief Society President - Linda Lingenbrink

12:10 P.M. Presentation of Certificates of Appreciation & Achievement in Visiting Teaching: 100% VT for at least 3 months or more, Longest Continuous 100% VT

12:15 P.M. Luncheon

1A. Husband calls telling this Sister he wants a divorce. You hear the sister side of the conversation.

"You want a what? Why a divorce? You never said there was anything wrong. Isn't there a way we can work this out? What about counseling? If you'd just tell me what is wrong . . . George? George?"

The sister replaces the phone in its cradle, absent-mindedly as if in shock. She sits staring off in the distance for a full minute. Crying and shaken she states:

"I need to talk to someone but who would understand? Who can help?" (freeze frame)

1B. Husband calls telling this Sister he wants a divorce. You hear the sister side of the conversation.

"You want a what? Why a divorce? You never said there was anything wrong. Isn't there a way we can work this out? What about counseling? If you'd just tell me what is wrong . . . George? George?"

The sister replaces the phone in its cradle, absent-mindedly as if in shock. She sits staring off in the distance for a full minute then the sister looks on the wall which has a big note entitled Visiting Teachers. The sister runs her finger over the visiting teacher's names. She dials her visiting teacher. Crying and shaken she states:

"Mary, I didn't know who else to call." (freeze frame)

1. Hello Sister Brown? My husband's gone for the weekend and the water heater is not working.

(freeze frame)

2. Sister Smith? You know that big storm we had last night? Well, it smashed a tree on to my car and it won't budge. (freeze frame)

3. Mary, I know that you were just assigned as my visiting teacher but I'm new here and I don't have anyone else to turn to. My twelve year old ran away last night. (freeze frame)

4. Sally, I know your right. I need to go to church for my own spiritual growth, but I wrestle my five little children all by myself and I don't get much out of the lessons and neither do the sisters around me. I feel so worn out by the time church is over I wished I had never gone. (freeze frame)

5. Hello? Visiting Teaching Coordinator? This is the Relief Society President. Have you had any reports of Sister's needing anything this month? I haven't either. I'll report to the Bishop that all is well! (freeze frame)

At this sisters 1 through 4 unfreeze in turn and looks exageratedly:

#1 surprised states: "What?"

#2. confounded states: "How can that be?"

#3. perturbed states: "What do you mean?"

#4. angry states: "I asked for help!"

2A.

Sister: "Food is really scarce. We are trying to make ends meet, but Drew has been out of work so long that there is hardly any thing left."

VT#1: "I don't know what we can do in this situation, but I'll find out and get back to you as soon as possible."

One visiting teachers says to the other as they walk out the door:

VT#1 "We need to call someone and report this!

VT#2 "I think we report it to our supervisor."

VT#1 Sister muses for a moment and states: "Hum-m-m, either her or the Visiting Teaching Coordinator."

VT#2 "Maybe the Relief Society President or Bishop."

VT#1 "What are we supposed to do?

VT#2 "I know, I'll call Marcie. She knows everything!"

2B.

Sister: "Food is really scarce. We are trying to make ends meet but Drew has been out of work so long that there is hardly any thing left."

VT#1: "I don't know what we can do in this situation, but I'll find out and get back to you as soon as possible."

One visiting teachers says to the other as they walk out the door:

VT#1: "Poor Sister Gertrude. I hope we can get her some help soon."

VT#2 "What do we do?.... I know I'll call Marcie. She knows everything!"

VT#1. "No that would be breaking our sisters confidentiality. We should call the Relief Society President directly."

VT#2: "Your right."

VT#1 "I'll call the Relief Society President, right away."

VT#2: "What if Relief Society President, isn't home?"

3. Death in the family.

Sister: Hello Georgia? . . . . John's dead. (freeze frame)

 Assess the needs?

Your sister has chosen to call you in this time of need. She will probably need you there now, but before you go find out. . .

1. Where is the sister? If she is not at home get a phone number and address and/or location.

2. Is the sister is safe physically and mentally until you get there?

3. Call the Relief Society President. If you cannot get her the call the Bishop.

On your way there you will probably wonder what you should say. You'll probably feel afraid because you don't know what to say. Everything you practice in your head seems trite and superficial. Remember you are in shock and fear of the unknown causes you brain not to work as well.

This is what you should do:

1. Say a prayer for the comforter to be with the Sister and loved ones.

Ask for the Spirit to be with you, so you will know what to say and do for your sister.

2. In most cases your sister will probably want to talk. Listen and comfort her.

In other cases, the sister just needs you to be with her for moral support and comfort.

3. There will probably be a time when you will be impressed to bear your testimony to the sister of God plan for us after we leave this world, even though you know that she knows it.

Things you Should Know

 
1. Your friend and her loved ones, and perhaps you will be experiencing specific behaviors gone through by those who are experiencing death or dying. Many of these steps may be repeated, skipped, or may happen in any order. They are:

    

   • Denial - Denying that the death has occurred or is going to occur.

    

   • Anger - Angry because it has or is going to happen. Some express anger against God. How could S/He let this happen. Why me! Why now!

    

   • Bargaining - Many try to bargain with God, saying that if S/He spares their loved one or themselves from death that they promise to doing certain things to gain release from the impending death.

    

   • Depression - When bargaining hasn't worked, an individual may go into depression. Those who have suffered a loss of a loved one tend to go into a form of depression.

    

   • * Depression is a sad, inactivity, difficulty thinking and concentrating, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and/or time spent sleeping, feeling of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.

    

   • Acceptance - Finally when the person has exhausted all avenues to thwart death they come to except it and plan for it. Those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, in this stage, try to get on with their lives. Many find the solace to do this in realizing that there is life after death and that they will see the loved one again. This is a testimony gained through personal prayer with one's God.

1. The anguish and emotional upheaval from the death of a loved one takes at least one year to get one's public emotions under control.

1. It takes an additional two to five years to get internal emotions under control to get through special anniversary dates like birth dates and holidays. It is hard to gain control while being constantly reminded of the deceased through special songs, smells, colors, clothing, places, history, and mutual friends. Don't expect the friend to get over the death easily.

1. By the same token, if the friend is constantly depressed and preferring isolation, s/he needs psychological help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. Help him/her to get it.

5. If you have contacted the Relief Society President or the Bishop to report the death, the following should happen:

{ The Bishopric, home teachers and visiting teachers will be contacted.

{ The Relief Society will help the sister make arrangements for the funeral, if she wishes.

• The chapel can be made available to members and their family for the eulogy service. The use of the chapel is scheduled. All possible care will be taken to made it available when the family would like it for the funeral,. The family or their designee must make the arrangements for the building so it can be reserved for the funeral.

The Compassionate Service Leader can help the family coordinate the reception after the funeral if they wish. This generally entails:

Arranging for the reception hall and its setup

The following are pages in a Visiting Teaching pamphlet that was given each Visiting Teacher that attended the convention. A role was taken so that this pamphlet could be given to Visiting Teachers that could not attend.

1. Make your sister your friend.

Sisters generally call a friend not a stranger when they are in need.

2. Support your companion by calling her early in the month to go visit your sisters. Starting early in the month leaves your partner, your sisters and you more options for visits. Some of our best visiting teachers pick the same day and time each month to visit their sisters. This sets up the opportunity for a visit in advance.

3. Visit often through out the month by different methods, to make a friend.

Physically visit to:

give the monthly message.

to do activities together.

to say "Hi."

Call by phone to:

remind about Relief Society events.

say "Hi."

arrange an activity to do together.

E-mail, write, or send a card for:

Mother's Day

birthday

anniversary

to say "Hi."

illness

missing her

4. Call in your reports to your supervisor as soon as possible.

5. Call the Relief Society President directly to report a sister's need for:

commodities or have her make an appointment to see the bishop.

compassionate service or call the Compassionate Service Leader.

6. Call the Relief Society President directly to correlate action with a sister's Home Teachers.

7. Be confidential. The needs of aspects of your sister's lives should not be the topic of conversation with anyone but your Relief Society President, or the Bishop, as the case may call for.

8. Leave your toddlers home with a sitter. Trade off baby-sitting with other visiting teachers so your attention can be on your sister. This also eliminates the chance of your child breaking something and causing hard feelings with the sister your visiting. Young babies in arms may go with you.

9. Try to keep your night visits to a minimum. If you must do night visits, take extreme care that you are safe. Please follow these guidelines:

a. Stay together.

b. Don't pick up or talk to strangers.

c. Approach your vehicle from the rear checking under and inside before getting in.

d. Make sure your partner's vehicle is working before you leave her.

e. If you are dropping your partner off at her home, check that she gets safely inside before you leave.

10. Try to remember your sisters birthdays, special dates such wedding anniversaries, and holidays. Sometimes these events can become expensive to do something for each sister, but it is still important to celebrate the occasion, even if it is to wish your sister to have a happy one.

Your duties and responsibilities are to:

1. Work under the direction of the ward Relief Society President.

2. Report your visiting teaching for the month to your Visiting Teaching Supervisor as soon as possible.

3. Ensure that you have access to a copy of the visiting teaching message printed in the Ensign each month. These messages may be duplicated and distributed for your use.

4. See that each sister on your route receives at least once visit each month.

5. Always go in pairs to do your visits. If your partner cannot go with you call one of the Relief Society Presidency to go with you. This important for your safety.

You will be expected to attend the following meeting:

1. Give a verbal report of your visiting teaching, quarterly, as requested by the president.

2. Attend the Visiting Teaching Seminar each May.

The purpose of your visit is to observe the sisters' needs and help them as needed.

Sisters need to feel loved and cared for and know where to turn in time of either temporal or spiritual need. Most sisters would benefit from a scriptural message, based on the visiting teaching articles printed in the Ensign and international magazines and the First Presidency

messages in the conference issues of these magazines.

In order to be effective instruments in performing you visiting teaching assignment you must seek the Spirit in the following ways:

{ Pray unceasingly for direction as to your sister's needs.

{ Use the scriptures, to gain the Spirit.

{ Allow the Spirit to speak directly to your heart.

{ Testify to your sisters of the truth of the gospel.

{ When appropriate, use hymns to soften hearts.

{ Share expressions of love for God and for others.

{ Bless others through faith, love, prayers, and service.

A sister needs a service of some type.

Assess the needs!

Example: A single parent sister needs child care, food prepared, laundry done, house cleaning, until her mother arrives, because she is has become bedridden.

Call Relief Society President.

If she is not available call the Bishop.

A sister needs food, and/or commodities or needs help spiritually, physically, emotionally, or psychologically beyond your capabilities to help.

Assess the needs!

Call Relief Society President

If she is not available call the Bishop.

There is a death in the family.

Assess the needs!

Your sister has chosen to call you in this time of need. She will probably need you there now, but before you go find out. . .

1. Where is the sister? If she is not at home get a phone number and address and/or location.

2. Is the sister is safe physically and mentally until you get there?

3. Call the Relied Society President. If you cannot get her call the Bishop.

On your way there, you will probably feel afraid because you don't know what to say or you think you may say the wrong thing. Everything you practice to say seems trite and superficial. Remember your sister and you are in shock. This causes your brain to not work as well.

Knowing in advance what you might see, hear and what you should do will be reassuring to you and your sister.

This is what you should do:

1. Say a prayer for the comforter to be with the Sister and loved ones.

Ask for the Spirit to be with you, so you will know what to say and do for your sister.

2. In most cases your sister will probably want to talk. Listen and comfort her.

In other cases, the sister just needs you to be with her for moral support and comfort.

3. There will probably be a time when you will be impressed to bear your testimony to the sister of God plan for us after we leave this world, even though you know that she knows it.

Things you Should Know

 
1. Your friend and her loved ones, and perhaps you will be experiencing specific behaviors gone through by those who are experiencing death or dying. Many of these steps may be repeated, skipped, or may happen in any order. They are:
   •  
   • Denial - Denying that the death has occurred or is going to occur.
   •  
   • Anger - Angry because it has or is going to happen. Some express anger against God. How could S/He let this happen. Why me! Why now!
   •  
   • Bargaining - Many try to bargain with God, saying that if S/He spares their loved one or themselves from death that they promise to doing certain things to gain release from the impending death.
   •  
   • Depression - When bargaining hasn't worked, an individual may go into depression. Those who have suffered a loss of a loved one tend to go into a form of depression.
   • * Depression is a sad, inactivity, difficulty thinking and concentrating, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and/or time spent sleeping, feeling of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies.
   •  
   • Acceptance - Finally when the person has exhausted all avenues to thwart death they come to except it and plan for it. Those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, in this stage, try to get on with their lives. Many find the solace to do this in realizing that there is life after death and that they will see the loved one again. This is a testimony gained through personal prayer with one's God.
2.  
3. The anguish and emotional upheaval from the death of a loved one takes at least one year to get one's public emotions under control.
4.  
5. It takes an additional two to five years to get internal emotions under control to get through special anniversary dates like birth dates and holidays. It is hard to gain control while being constantly reminded of the deceased through special songs, smells, colors, clothing, places, history, and mutual friends. Don't expect the friend to get over the death easily.
6.  
7. By the same token, if the friend is constantly depressed and preferring isolation, s/he needs psychological help from a psychologist or psychiatrist. Help him/her to get it.

5. If you have contacted the Relief Society President or the Bishop to report the death, the following should happen:

{ The Bishopric, home teachers and visiting teachers will be contacted.

{ The Relief Society will help the sister make arrangements for the funeral, if she wishes.

• { The chapel can be made available to members and their family for the eulogy service. { The use of the chapel is scheduled. All possible care will be taken to made it available when the family would like it for the funeral,. The family or their designee must make the arrangements for the building so it can be reserved for the funeral.

{ The Compassionate Service Leader can help the family coordinate the reception after the funeral if they wish. This generally entails:

Arranging for the reception hall and its setup

To harvest a bumper crop of healthy, happy Relief Society Sisters, plant your garden as follows:

First, Plant Five Rows of Peas

Be Prompt.

Have Perseverance.

Use Prayer.

Be Prepared.

And your Presence is important.

Next to These, Plant Three Rows of Squash

Squash gossip.

Squash indifference.

Squash criticism.

Then, Plant Five Rows of Lettuce

Let us be true to our obligations.

Let us be obedient to our Heavenly Father's commandments.

Let us be faithful to duty.

Let us love one another.

Let us share our testimony.

No Garden is Complete without Turnips

Turn up with a message.

Turn up with a smile.

Turn up with a new idea.

Turn up with determination to make everything count for something good and worthwhile.

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