Options for Families with Drug Abusers

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright © 1999

Someone you love is a drug user. This person steals from you even though he says he loves you very much. This behavior will escalate until you can no longer stand his behavior. This will probably be after he has caused you a lot of grief. If will come to the point that you will lose all your positions of worth to your loved one's drug habit or you throw him out of your life permanently. This person will not be allowed in your home, because he can not be left alone for a second.

Some families spend thousands of dollars trying one clinic after another to save their loved one. The family is giving full effort, but the drug has priority to the addicted person. In essence this person loves the drug so much that even after he is detoxed off the drug he wants to go back to it and will do anything to get back into the relationship with his or her drug of choice.

The relationship with the drug becomes stronger than any relationship with God, family, or the community. The drug addicted person plunders the family's and community's wealth to take care of his habit to keep this relationship. What's worse is he feels it is his right physically, mentally, and emotionally to do so.

There is only two reasons the addicted person will end the relationship with his drug. This is by death or when the relationship is so damaging that the person is losing his life or he is loosing his family. All too often drug addicted people give up their family and sometimes even their life to pursue their drug relationship.

For the families that watch this destructive relationship continue, there is only one thing they can do. That is to let the drug user choose the relationship he wants to keep. The drug user cannot keep a relationship with both the drug and the family.

The family can try to change the drug addicted person, but until he wants to change, there will be no change. That's the sad truth. It does not matter how much money is thrown at the problem. Things won't change until the behavior no longer works for the addicted person.

How long you want to stay in this abusive relationship with your addicted person is your choice. No one can make that choice for you. Non-support of the drug addicted family member should be immediate; that is as soon as the family realizes there is a problem.  This needs to occur or the family is enabling the addiction to grow and develop.

Instead, the sad truth is, that it usually only happens when the addict’s behavior becomes so intolerable that his lies of changing are no longer believed and all the love for that individual is gone. All that are left are broken hearts, broken dreams, and empty pockets. Will it end like this for you?

Steps can be taken immediately to stop your loved one.

Rules of engagement must be consistent and firm. There should be no wavering.  It will take a united front with all the family members. Make no mistake about it; you are at war with a powerful drug. War takes some cruel, but decisive actions like the ones below.

The addicted one may never be alone or have money. If money is earned by the user, it kept by someone else for his use as needed. These items are bought for user.

The addicted person may never have anything of worth; yours or his. All items of worth are locked up. This can be in the garage, banks, and/or a purchased safe for the home.

The addicted person may never take a phone call without it being monitored on another phone.

In essence the addicted person is in jail in your home and the family becomes his jailers. This is not a happy relationship for the addicted person or the family. Often the addicted person will run away. So what other choices does the family have?

  1. Allow the user to keep stealing from the community and the family and doing drugs.
  2. Allow the user to spread his drug use to other family members.
  3. Become the person's full-time jailer, forever.
  4. Turn him into the authorities to have the person do time in a real jail.
  5. Pray for the person and turn him loose to choose his own fate.

Jail time may be a viable option. However, you have to understand that the person will get better connections in jail than he has ever had before. It is often reported that there are more drugs in jail than on the street. He also is connected with other felons and will learn how to do what they do. Jail may be the last option or your first. Again this is your hard choice to make.

Perhaps this option is the best of all. You cannot control the addicted person, so turn them out, turn his care over to your Higher Power, and live your life to its fullest, knowing that you have done your best.

You must realize that being a drug addict is his own decision. No one can change someone else's mind or actions. You can only change yourself and your actions. Do so!

If in the future the addicted person truly wants to change give him the following article:


 

Christ-Centered Therapy

Annette Nay, PhD-ABD

Copyright © 2008

This therapy is based on the atonement of Jesus Christ and the scriptures. All Christian's believe that Christ suffered all things that we have suffered, are suffering, or will suffer in the future.  This suffering encompasses our sins, our physical and mental problems, our heartaches, stumbling blocks, and setbacks.  Since these things have already been suffered for, we do not have to continually suffer for them also.  If God judges that we and in some cases our significant others have learned what they and you need to from the experience, He will our problems from us, if asked to do so.  This is called a spiritual healing.

 

The scriptures say that whatever you ask Heavenly Father for, in the name of Jesus Christ, which is good, it will be given you. (John 14:13-14, Moroni 7:26) This is because Heavenly Father and Jesus loves you and wants you to be happy.  "…men (& women) are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25 & 33.

 

In Christ-Christ Centered Therapy all things are possible.  The scriptures wherein Christ healed the sick, helped the blind to see, and the lame to walk.  The scriptures say that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  (Alma 31:17) If this is so, He can do the same, now, for you.

 

How Do You Know If You & Significant Others

Have Learned What You Need to From This Experience?

Take inventory of the situation.  Ask the Lord to help you to understand the things you and significant others have learned from you having this problem in your life.  List down all the things you can think of. 

Knowing the Truth of All Things

Now that you have 1) studied the issue out in your mind, 2) make a decision whether or not you think you have learned what you needed to from this situation.  3) Then ask God if your decision is correct.

* A "Yes" answer is manifest by a burning or warm, swelling feeling in the chest area accompanied with a feeling of peace or a feeling that all is well or right.

* A "No" answer is manifest by confusion, doubt, a stupor of thought, or a dull cloudy feeling in your head. Your thoughts may be hard to hold on to or even fade or disappear.

4. ". . . and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ,

He will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. (Moroni 10: 4-5)

By thinking things through, making an informed decision, and then asking God if it is correct you can know the truth of all things. 

How to Make Good Decisions

  1. Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle of the sheet making two columns.
  2. On the top of the first column, write "Pro's." These are the positive things about the issue.
  3. On the top of the second column write "Con's." These are the negative things about the issue.
  4. Ask the Lord to help you list all the items dealing with this issue. Now, list all the items about the issue under the appropriate column.
  5. Ask the Lord to help you to understand the importance of each item listed by assigning it a fair numeric value. Giving an item a "ten" means that it is of the utmost importance. Assigning it a "one" means that it has little or no importance. A "five," means that it is middle of the road; not extremely important, but not unimportant either. Now, assign each item a value.
  6. Add up the numeric value of each item, in each column, to see which has the most important items listed. The one with the higher value means more to you and should give you your decision.
  7. Now that you have studied it out in your mind, ask God if your decision is correct.

* A "Yes" answer is manifest by a burning or warm, swelling feeling in the chest area accompanied with a feeling of peace or a feeling that all is well or right.

* A "No" answer is manifest by confusion, doubt, a stupor of thought, or a dull cloudy feeling in your head. Your thoughts may be hard to hold on to or even fade or disappear.

4. ". . . and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, He will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

    5. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. - Moroni 10: 4-5

8. Now, ask the Lord to help you do what you must to put your decision to work. This may take a great deal of planning. Do it now.

9.  Actuate your plan and put your decision to work.  ". . . faith without works is dead.  James 2:20

How to Proceed

If you have gotten a "yes" answer then you must put this answer into action and make it work for you.  Do not procrastinate, do it now.  ". . . faith without works is dead." (James 2:20)

Visualization

1. Close your eyes.  See yourself in a beautiful field of daisies.  The sun is warm and comforting.  A slight breeze is playing across the field causing the daisies to gently nod their heads to and fro.  Relax and feel the breeze play across your face and through your hair.

 

2. Now look heavenward and say:  Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ please take (whatever the problem is) from me. 

 

3. Gather the problem and all its residual effects from throughout your body.  See the problem gather in your chest area as a black cloud.  Gather it all together from your body, mind, and heart.  Then see it slowly rise up out the top of your head.

 

4. See Christ coming toward you.  He is smiling.  He puts His arm out and the black cloud comes toward him.  When it reaches Him, He destroys it. 

 

Then he comes to you and puts his arms around you.  He tells you that he loves you.  You can feel that love radiate warmth throughout your body.

 

5. Then Ask Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ to fill the void (that the problem left within you) with the light and love of God and the wisdom and talents you will need in this life.

 

6. Now thank Heavenly Father for all His blessings.

 

Of Special Note

You can also use the visualization with you acting as proxy for someone else.

 

 

It Seems Too Easy to Be True

 

You may be telling yourself, “This is too easy.  If it is true, why are there so many people with mental and physical problems?  Why don’t people know about these things?  Why don’t I hear about people using this in their lives?”

 

Many people who have had spiritual healing hold the incident as sacred and do not share it with others.  I too hold it sacred, but choose to share it with humankind because I am a healer.  I know that individuals who are mentally or physically infirmed are stopped in many aspects of their personal development.  They all have five physical and mental characteristics: stress, anxiety, headaches, cognitive impairment, and depression, all of which can and all too often leads to suicide.

 

I liken the ease of this cure as to the one that was given to the Israelites by Moses.  As they wandered in the wilderness, they came upon area with poisonous serpents.  Some of the Israelites were bitten and died. So Moses took the problem to the Lord who told him the following:

 

8.  And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.

9.  And Moses made a serpent of brass, and put it upon a pole, and it came to pass, that if a serpent had bitten any man, when he beheld the serpent of brass, he lived. – (Numbers 21:8-9)

 

Despite the ease of the cure there were those who would not believe they could be cured because of the ease of the solution.  Why does the cure have to be hard to seem real?  Why would a God that loves us want to heap hardship on top of the physical and mental problems we have?  In Deuteronomy 7:9-14 it states: 

 

9.  Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;

10.  And repayeth them that hate him to their face, to destroy them: he will not be slack to him that hateth him, he will repay him to his face.

11.  Thou shalt therefore keep the commandments, and the statutes, and the judgments, which I command thee this day, to do them.

12.  Wherefore it shall come to pass, if ye hearken to these judgments, and keep, and do them, that the LORD thy God shall keep unto thee the covenant and the mercy which he sware unto thy fathers:

13.  And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

14.  Thou shalt be blessed above all people: there shall not be male or female barren among you, or among your cattle.

15.  And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.

 

These promises were given to the Israelites, but God’s promises are for all of us.  Peter proves this point as he states in Acts 10:34, “…Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.”  That means that He treats us all the same.  So, give God the chance to heal you!

 

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Annette Nay Homepage


     
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