Adult Children of Alcoholics and Their Issues

Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Copyright 1999

Dear Annette,

What do you think about codependency and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) and the best way to change old habits?

Do you think that for someone who is already struggling with those issues, the church becomes one more thing we seek to control? Just wondering...


Dear Wondering,

You asked, "What so you think of codependency and the best way to change old habits?"

So that we are on the same page, I have found excellent articles for you to read on Codependency and ACoA's. Each article represents an important part of the story. Read the three articles below.

Click here: How To Develop A Relapse Prevention Plan

Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics


Next, read this article on Procrastination.

Click here: The Problem of Procrastination


Since you have read the other articles, you can see why the article on procrastination is needed to complete the puzzle of how the mind of average ACoA's minds work, and why changing old habits may be difficult. This article is excellent in that it states how to overcome the problem of procrastination which would stop many ACoA's from changing habits. I will continue to address changing habits in correlation with your next question about church.

You asked, "Do you think that for someone who is already struggling with those issues, the church becomes one more thing we seek to control?"

ACoA's try to control everything around them and themselves. They become highly adept in it because they often have to, to survive violent conditions. Put one of this individuals into any setting, they will do what has always worked for them in the past... CONTROL. We are all creatures of habit! We use the tools that have worked well for us in the past, whether they are good tools or bad ones.

We were sent to this earth to gain control or our thoughts, actions and bodies. Even good tools like control can be used to an excess become bad ones. In the Gospel setting where we are told to perfect ourselves it would take constant monitoring for an ACoA's perfectionist behaviors, to keep from going overboard. The article on Preventing Perfectionism, pinpoints the problems ACoA's would have and what they should do to overcome this problem.

Understanding what perfectionism does to one's self esteem is important. Often the perfectionists gets into a vicious cycle. They try to attain unreachable goals and the feel bad about themselves, thinking they are unsatisfactory people and then try harder next time to reach unattainable goals. If people do the best they can, not God, mankind, or themselves can expect more.

To get over the super control of perfectionism, ACoA's often swing to the opposite side of the pendulum, to procrastination. The procrastination has to stop and reachable goals must be set and reached. ACoA's must not set themselves up for defeat by setting unattainable goals. This next article is infinitely important in setting and attaining goals

Click here: How to Set Goals and Attain Them

After you have read these things, we can talk again about this if you like!


Annette Nay, Ph.D.

Annette Nay Homepage

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