- That the more helpless you are, the safer you are from
criminals.
- That you should give a mugger your wallet, because he doesn't
really want to shoot you and he'll let you go, but that you
should give him your wallet, because he'll shoot you if you
don't.
- That Washington DC's low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to
gun control, and Indianapolis' high murder rate of 9 per 100,000
is attributable to the lack of gun control.
- That "CSI" and "Miami Vice" are documentaries.
- That an intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven
spray, but if shot with a .44 Magnum will get angry and kill
you.
- That firearms in the hands of private citizens are the gravest
threat to world peace, and China, Pakistan and Korea can be
trusted with nuclear weapons.
- That Charlton Heston as president of the NRA is a shill who
should be ignored, but Michael Douglas as a representative of
Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled
to an audience at the UN arms control summit.
- That ordinary people, in the presence of guns, turn into
slaughtering butchers, and revert to normal when the weapon is
removed.
- That the New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert
advice about guns, just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent
treatises on heart surgery.
- That one should consult an automotive engineer for safer seat
belts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for
spinal paralysis, a computer programmer for Y2K problems, and
Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.
- That the "right of the people peaceably to assemble," the "right
of the people to be secure in their homes," "enumerations herein
of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others
retained by the people," "The powers not delegated herein are
reserved to the states respectively, and to the people," refer
to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear
arms" refers to the states.
- That the 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, allows the states to
have a National Guard, created by act of Congress in 1917.
- That the National Guard, paid by the federal government,
occupying property leased to the federal government, using
weapons owned by the federal government, punishing trespassers
under federal law, is a state agency.
- That private citizens can't have handguns, because they serve no
militia purpose, even though the military has hundreds of
thousands of them, and private citizens can't have assault
rifles, because they are military weapons.
- That it is reasonable for California to have a minimum 2 year
sentence for possessing but not using an assault rifle, and
reasonable for California to have a 6 month minimum sentence for
raping a female police officer.
- That it is reasonable to jail people for carrying but not using
guns, but outrageous to jail people for possessing marijuana.
- That minimum sentences violate civil rights, unless it's for
possessing a gun.
- That door-to-door searches for drugs are a gross violation of
civil rights and a sign of fascism, but door-to-door searches
for guns are a reasonable solution to the "gun problem."
- That the first amendment absolutely allows child pornography and
threats to kill cops, but doesn't apply to manuals on gun
repair.
- That a woman in a microskirt, perfume, and a Wonderbra, without
underwear, is a helpless victim, but someone getting paid $6 an
hour to deliver the cash from a fast food place to the bank at
the same time every night is, "asking for it." And you won't
allow either of them to carry a gun.
- That Illinois' law that allows any government official from
Governor to dogcatcher to carry a gun is reasonable, and the law
that prohibits any private citizen, even one with 50 death
threats on file and a million dollar jewelry business, is
reasonable. And it isn't a sign of police statism.
- That free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters,
computers, and typewriters, but self defense only justifies bare
hands.
- That with the above, a 90 lb woman attacked by a 300 lb rapist
and his 300 lb buddy, has the "right" to kill them in self
defense, provided she uses her bare hands.
- That gun safety courses in school only encourage kids to commit
violence, but sex education in school doesn't encourage kids to
have sex.
- That the ready availability of guns today, with only a few
government forms, waiting periods, checks, infringements, ID,
and fingerprinting, is responsible for all the school shootings,
compared to the lack of school shootings in the 1950's and
1960's, which was caused by the awkward availability of guns at
any hardware store, gas station, and by mail order.
- That we must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go
on a shooting spree at any time, and anyone who owns a gun out
of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.
- That there is too much explicit violence featuring guns on TV,
and that cities can sue gun manufacturers because people aren't
aware of the dangers involved with guns.
- That the gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign
about kids handling guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby's
attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign is responsible social
activity.
- That the crime rate in America is decreasing because of gun
control, and the increase in crime requires more gun control.
- That 100 years after its founding, the NRA got into the politics
of guns from purely selfish motives, and 100 years after the
Emancipation Proclamation, the black civil rights movement was
founded from purely noble motives.
- That statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control,
and statistics that show increasing murder rates after gun
control are "just statistics."
- That we don't need guns against an oppressive government,
because the Constitution has internal safeguards, and we should
ban and seize all guns, therefore violating the 2nd, 4th, and
5th Amendments of that Constitution, thereby becoming an
oppressive government.
- That guns are an ineffective means of self defense for rational
adults, but in the hands of an ignorant criminal become a threat
to the fabric of society.
- That guns are so complex to use that special training is
necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they
make murder easy.
- That guns cause crime, which is why there are so many mass
slayings at gun shows.
- That guns aren't necessary to national defense, which is why the
army only has 3 million of them.
- That banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago
cops need guns.
- That the Constitution protects us, so we don't need guns, and
can confiscate them, thereby violating the 5th amendment of that
constitution.
- That women are just as intelligent and capable as men, yet a
woman with a gun is "an accident waiting to happen."
- That women are just as intelligent and capable as men, and
gunmakers' advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their
fears."
- That a handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for
the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile
that only has 20.
- That a majority of the population supports gun control, just
like a majority of the population used to support owning slaves.
- That one should ignore as idiots politicians who confuse Wicca
with Satanism and exaggerate the gay community as a threat to
society, but listen sagely to politicians who can refer to a
self-loading small arm as a "weapon of mass destruction" and an
"assault weapon."
- That Massachusetts is safer with bans on guns, which is why
Teddy Kennedy has machinegun toting guards.
- That most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws
against guns, which most people will abide by, because they can
be trusted.
- That a woman raped and strangled with her panties is morally
superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her
feet.
- That guns should be banned because of the danger involved, and
live reporting from the battlefield, which can keep the enemy
informed of troop deployments, getting thousands of troops
killed and perhaps losing a war, is a protected act that CANNOT
be compromised on.
- That the right of online child pornographers to exist cannot be
questioned because it is a constitutionally protected extension
of the Bill of Rights, and the claim that handguns are for self
defense is merely an excuse, and not really protected by the
Bill of Rights.
- That the ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends
certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because
it defends other parts of the Constitution.
- That a house with a gun is three times as likely to have a
murder, just like a house with insulin is three times as likely
to have a diabetic.
- That police operate in groups with backup, which is why they
need larger capacity magazines than civilians, who must face
criminals alone, and therefore need less ammunition.
- That we should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other
inexpensive guns because it's not fair that poor people have
access to guns too.
- That guns have no legitimate use, but alcohol does, which is why
we issue cops beer instead of guns.
- That police and soldiers are the dregs of society who were unfit
to get any real job, which perfectly qualifies them with the
high moral standards and keen intellects to handle these
complicated tools and be our guardians.
Copyright 1999, 2000 by Michael Z. Williamson.
Permission is granted to copy in part or in total for non-profit
purposes, provided due credit is given.
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